I'm dangerous, like Maverick, except... in a kitchen

Before I met my wife, the only things I was capable of making by myself were Mac and Cheese and ramen.

You hear this story from every man alive.  Sometimes it's present tense.  "The only things I am capable of making..."  Other times, it's resistant, like my father:  "I never cooked and I'm never going to cook.  You cook one meal and you have to cook every other meal for the rest of your life."

But I'm an anomaly.  I love to cook.  I even prefer to cook over going out.  But I would never have learned anything if it weren't for my life.

At this point, I'm still looking at cook books, but I've graduated beyond measuring everything out.

And I've mastered chicken.  I make gorgeous, delicious chicken.  I can make it golden brown.  I can make it really white.  It's always tender.  And always tastes like real chicken (even when it's stripped of flavor from freezing, bleeding and packaging).  

But how do you explain something to that with your peers?  When your peers are mid-twenties to early thirties men who still believe pizza and Chipotle constitute a weeks dinner menu?

How can you explain that in ten years, you'll be begging me to let you eat at my house?   That you'll buy cases of beer on a whim, knowing that this might purchase you entry to sit at our dinner table?

You'll see... I may be a scant 24 now... but you'll see.

You might even let me drive your Ferrari Mid-Life-Crisis edition.

Poetic Justice

Today, I ate a cookie in the car.

Eating a cookie in the car could be likened to eating a cookie in bed, but then, you'd be stupid for saying something like that.  You wear shoes in your car.  You wear a raincoat.  If sulfur and hellfire and brimstone rained from the heavens, you'd bring that in to your car, too.

It's only natural that if you were to drop a minute crumb from the edge of the cookie, you wouldn't let go of the steering wheel and cause a tremendous accident.  You'd just let the crumb make its way to the floor.  And eventually disappear.  Or be vacuumed.  

Funny story.  Cookies, as it turns out, are bio-degradable.

But then, from the corner of my peripheral hearing...  I thought I had heard.... yes...  it was... a scoff (I'm half deaf in my right ear).  Slight... like a cough, half between that and laughter.

But a scoff none the less.  One to indicate my foolishness in dropping, then abandoning that fragment of cookie to the nether reaches of the vehicles floor.

And yet... almost immediately, from my beloved's mouth...  almost silently, "oh no."

This fragment, punctuating her own folly.  She was now the owner of a smaller cookie, nearly a tenth smaller.  The remnants now buried deeply in between the seat back and the seat bottom.

A moment too sweet to let pass.

Love you, sweetie.

No need for introductions...

/wtf?

Ok, this one needs an introduction... but apparently the big box of toilet paper at Sam's club is good for 400 shits.

Not just a ... well... you know

I've never understood the idea behind denying that you're gay.

I've understood the idea of condemning it in the Bible.  And never taking it out.

You want your congregations to grow.  Every member is another head and another income.  And if you said, "Gay is fine,  we don't mind.  Do what you do."  Then, the future of your church is in jeopardy, because 3 generations from now... you might not have members... or enough to support you.  The way I figure, it came down to money.

These days, you've got people so worked up about being gay.

It says you shouldn't be in the Bible, I get it.  But it doesn't seem to me that it should still be there.  I don't know about this whole "word of god" thing works, but for me, it was still written by man.  And it is corruptable.  Same with the Qur'an.  Men have translated them.  You don't know who these men were, they're not in the credits.

But, then there's faith.

And you scary people who believe god is talking to you.

One thing is clear to me, there are plenty of church leaders who are gay, and have gotten in trouble for soliciting gay sex.  There are politicians who are gay, and have gotten in trouble for soliciting gay sex.  There are men and women who do nothing but preach to you harder, because they're fighting with their natural urges.  But denying you're gay?  Just reaffirms that you're gay. 

There's nothing wrong with that.

Soliciting sex in the bathroom?  There's definitely something wrong with that.

That's disgusting.