Pictures from this years Concrete and Grass. Picture Link goes to Flickr Set.

Modesty Forlorn

I can no longer utilize the rest room facilities at work.

While Jeremy certainly spent days making a ruckus over the "ass joint", I had never come to believe any of these fables. I had always thought he was creating some drama for his blog's sake.

Yesterday, however, left me in disbelief. Seeing what I have seen, I now know that there is one sick (both in a physical and psychological sense) son of a bitch working here.

I can say no more without compromising my Taco Bell.

Just trust me.

Don't ever use the bathroom here.

Advice for Those of Us Who Choose to Live Vicariously Thru the Young at Heart

Parents, fresh off the first day of school (not that any respectable parent is actually reading this), you're certain to have asked your child how their first day of school was. And your child, new clothes, new shoes and new glasses for some, shot back, "I don't want to talk about it."

What the hell? Who bought the clothes they are wearing? Or the food they're looking for in the kitchen? Who is the one looking for second mortgage and refinancing options to make sure that your little ungrateful crotchfruit (I had to use this today) gets the opportunity to booze and find rampant sexual promiscuity at the university that is willing to take their negative, lazy asses.

Where's the respect?

Now I know you don't expect to have to foot the bill, and that your little saving grace is going to 180 themselves and make 80 a year right out the gate with the career path you've picked out for them. I have some bad news for you, though. They don't want to be a psychologist. And really, don't you think the lawyer market is saturated.

Your little mushroom probably wants to be an actor. Or a singer. Or an artist.

But you don't have the heart to tell them they aren't good at these things.

And that they'll be in college for 3 years before they figure out what they want to do. And it will be another 3 before they finish, because their credits don't apply to that degree.

My advice to you? Your kid's a little brat, but put up with it. Correcting that behavior will get you put in jail these days. Just make sure they don't sucker you in to paying for college.

It's Not Communism

There is a key to success. I figured it out years ago, when I was pondering the great Plebian question of life.

In order to be a "have", you must be willing to create and keep "have nots".

It does not change for situation. Regardless of who you are. If you have money, the only way to keep having money is by not letting other people have your money.

And it's a far cry from the dream they sell to you in school or on TV. The dream where you work really hard and someday, when you're about 30, you'll get rewarded with millions of dollars and everything is going to be fine.
But we can't tell everyone that it's not true when they're younger, or they're not going to want to work. And the people who have already figured out my message have already started to abuse welfare, because they can eat and clothe themselves and their children. Any calls to force such people to work are met with arguments of assumed racism.

But being a have not isn't all bad.

We work hard for our possesions, but we can sleep at night.

My food tastes better, knowing that it didn't come at the price of someone else's.

Life is ok, but we need to stop living in some dream, before it becomes a nightmare. And I will happily work every day for the rest of my life.

Because there are countries where the dream is different.

Where if you work really hard, you might be able to eat tonight.

Just Ain't Satisfactionin' Me

All this reminiscing about days past has got me awful contemplative about times past and the meaning of life.  Or, really the progression of life.

The worst thing about time passing is that there is no substance to it.  There is nothing left of it as it passes.

Are we corporeal beings?  Or do we simply experience things in our existence in a sequential manner because it makes the most sense to us?  Do we have any control over our futures, or is this all just played out in a sequence, like a gigantic symphony?

The weirdest part about the whole experience is the nostalgia you feel.  Sometimes, it's like you're in two places at once.  But are you?

Does 'I think therefore I am' apply?

All this is why I feel particularly horrible about breaking one of the cardinal rules we were taught that civilized humans don't break:

I ate the soggy waffles.

Advice for the Young at Heart

It's almost time for school again and an odd dream about attending high school at 23 had me contemplating a cadre of reticent rules which are learned, much to my dismay, only after the end of your school years (including your college years).  Interestingly enough, most of the advice I can provide applies to both college and high school.

This doesn't apply to college:  Are you a Junior?  Thinking about college?  Start.

Are you a Senior?  Thinking about college?  Apply,  you dumbass.

Not going to college?  Join the military.  You need job skills.  Out of high school, you're unemployable.

I blame your parents for not letting your teachers tell you how worthless you are to the real world.

This does.  Girls.  If you're wondering why the guy you like doesn't seem to get the hint, a quick and dirty way to get his attention is to STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

Guys.  I know you think you're cool.  You're not.  Stop acting like a douche bag.

Girls.  Stop dressing like whores.  You're gonna get raped.

Guys.  Pull up your pants.  Pop your collars, though.  It may look weird, but it's fine by me.

Girls.  That nerdy kid that you expect is going to help you, is not going to help you unless you put out.  It's a new generation.  And the internet is full of porn.

Guys.  Sex completely changes relationships.  If you're only there because you want sex, you're going to have to handle the break up.  It is your fault.  If you really enjoy the company of that person, don't have sex.  Either way, you're gonna fuck it up.

Both of you.  The other sex doesn't know what you want, they're not magically going to get it.  Not tomorrow.  Not 50 years from now.  Just say it, you won't ever see them again after 4 years.

Lastly.  You know that friend of yours that doesn't have to do homework and doesn't have to study but magically passes every class with a B or better?  You're not them.  

Do your fucking homework.