Internet Culture (in a nutshell)

Of the millions of people, a hundreds of thousands of communities on the internet, it's interesting to see how people break down. The communities I tend to frequent are information related, and there is definitely an interesting culture there. I like to call them "God Complex Communities."

That's not to say I haven't fallen in to the same trap that often causes my digitally adept brethren such anxiety when it comes to answering a simple query from our inept counterparts. Or even just reading the question...

Because the answer is posted in the first 3000 results on Google.

In my most recent experiences, I'd say you could breakdown information communities in to three main groups (and several subgroups).

1) People who know what the fuck they're doing. (Knowledgimus Attainimus)

2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing. (Assisitmus Asshatimus)

3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (Fucking Lazy)

To clarify, normally I would connect 2 and 3, but the information community is special. The people of 2 are generally willing to look up information if it pertains to what they need to know. They'll just make up the rest for you later.

Let's break this down, though.

1) People who know what the fuck they're doing.

In this group, I find I'm able to classify them in to 3 subcategories. Not everyone falls in to the same group all of the time, it really depends on the subject and the time of day for some people.

So, sub-phyla a: People who are willing to bend over backwards to help you with your problems (The latin joke wasn't funny to begin with, so I'll end it here).

These people are like those teachers in high school that tell you that you can do anything, are willing to stay late to help you with a few problems you just could not figure out and might even be willing to take some time on the weekend to make sure. Teaching you helps them learn later on. They're cautious to remind you that the information is available in the source if it doesn't seem like you're making an honest effort, but will defend you from anyone who says you're just too stupid to get it. Also, they're probably fucking your girlfriend.

Sub-phyla b starts with a person generally of the same knowledge level, or perhaps higher than the people of sub-phyla a. These people, however, are only willing to point you in the direction of the information (usually by saying "Google is your friend") and ending the conversation there. They are the equivalent of that chemistry teacher who would only answer you by saying "What do you think?"

Sub-phyla c is a mixed bunch. They are about a 50/50 split on the knowledge level (people who know way too much about the subject, and people who know just enough to get by). When asked a question, or even spotting a question in a forum 5 threads down from where they were watching their posts, they'll quickly swoop in, call you a "Fucking idiot" and tell you that "if you missed the other 50,000 posts, you should use the fucking search feature on this god-damned website" and that "things were way better before all the noobs got here." This is who sub-phyla a would defend you from.

2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing.

Out of group 2, there are only two sub-phyla; a, the people who are lying to you about what is happening but sound really confident (these guys usually get called out and disappear, this can be mistaken for sarcasm, but don't believe that, they were just lying.), and b, the people who lying about it but end every sentence with "But I don't know", "I could be wrong", "IMO" or "IMHO" and "That's what worked for me".

Ignore both of these people.

3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are usually unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (n00bz!)

The interesting thing about these communities is that it really is the noobs that are the reason things are there. Smart moderators try to keep a lid on stupid people, but they'll also restrain the knowledgeable assholes. Friendly communities bring in the most ad revenue.

Noobs are interesting. It doesn't take much to be one. In some circles, masters of one sort of information are completely useless in others. Sometimes it doesn't even have to do with separate subjects. Of these, there are four types.

A- This is public enemy number one. Too lazy to do anything about it guy. Even though the information is available everywhere, you need to tell him because he's asking really nicely. He will never stop asking questions until God himself reaches down and helps him out. "Can anyone help me? I can't see the picture, I only get sound. Thanks in advance!"

B- This is public enemy number two. He's actually more of a jerk, and he found the basic information, but he can't get a hold of the concept and it's all your fault. When he's being a real dick, he'll pretend to be sarcastic or end his posts with "lol". The only reason that these guys aren't number one is because they quit very quickly. "I can't get this custom firmware to install and it's really PISSING ME OFF. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CODE SOFTWARE BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT. /Sarcasm. LOL :)"

Go ahead, act like you weren't being a complete dick. That's fine... I'm sure no one will notice.

C- They're what I like to call the "believers". Not because they believe in what you're saying, but because they're like those guys that are convinced that the brief glimpse of an alien is real. Or that the debunking of UFO videos is just a cover up. They simply don't listen, and aren't happy until you're saying what they want to read.
From the post- "and you will need to use a service/pandora/tool battery to install this custom firmware. Please stop asking. If you don't have one, make one, and if you can't make one, buy one."

noob- "Cool, so does this mean that I don't need a pandora battery?"

And D- The best noob of all, the reader. The most you get out of this guy is "LOL, thanks", or "Awesome guide, you guys are great. I never would have figured this out without your help." These people are usually the experts on other subjects and have decided to expand their knowledge out of interest, or because it will help them later on. They've already googled it and found what they needed. Or were actually reading the posts on the forums and found the linke that you created to point the noobs in the direction to the previously posted information.

Here's a sample thread, which is the goings on of just about every thread on the PSP mod forums, and even the piratebay:


1a- Hey guys, I've created a guide on how to install the new custom firmware that Dark Alex has released for the psp. You'll need a pandora/tool/service battery and a memory stick at least 256 megs big. Here it goes: (content)

3a- Nice guide. Thanks.

2a- Wow, great job. I was just writing my own custom firmware that even lets you do something unrealistically amazing.

1c- No you didn't. You're a fucking liar. Or prove it.

2a- Come on, I was being sarcastic.

3a- Hey, I can't run this, it says "could not initiallize". Can anyone help? I'd really appreciate it.

1c- God, what the fuck is wrong with you fucking noobs? Why can't you just find your own god-fucking-damned information. All this bullshit was already available in the last 4 million threads.

1b- Google it. Google is your friend.

1a- Chill, dude. (Detailed set of questions regarding situation, but at the end, he only has one suggestion, the right one.) Did you downgrade to 1.5 with a Magic Memory Stick?

3a- How to I create a magic memory stick?

1a- (Helpful link).

3b- I can't believe this bullshit. Why don't you learn how to code? This shit doesn't work. You guys are probably distributing viruses or something. lol.

3a- Can you help me with creating a magic memory stick?

1c- Are you fucking serious? He only posted that link like 3 minutes before you posted. At least fucking try it.

3a (an hour later)- Help? Plz?

1a- No, I think I agree with 1c on this one. You should try it before asking.

2b- I had to do some swap trick with two memory sticks and two batteries. I'm not sure how, but it worked for me. It was pretty easy, IMHO.

1b- Swap trick? What are you on? We haven't had to do swap tricks since the % trick.

3a- The what?

1b- Nevermind. Fucking google it.

1a- Do you have a pandora battery?

3a- No?

1a- Make one. Here's a guide (Useful link).

3a- I don't know how to do that.

1a- Fine, buy one. (Useful link).

3b- Why the fuck should he buy one? Why doesn't your shit just work? (User was banned for this post)

3a- Why can't I just install this?

1a- Look, I've tried to help you, but maybe you should just pay someone to do this for you.

3a- Can you do it? For Free?

2a- I can!

1a- No you can't, shut up. And I won't. Sorry, but you need to figure this out on your own.

3c- Wow, nice guide. So you don't need a Pandora battery right?

1a- Just... shut up.

3d- Hey, thanks for the guide, 1c. It really helped me install the CFW. I don't know why the other guys couldn't get it. I thought the pictures really helped.

(This example thread was edited for content. Most real world threads won't be nearly as legible with all the chat speak and illiteracy that ironically plagues the internet. Here's the original thread: http://www.pspmod.com/forums/custom-firmware/8459-dark_alex-custom-firmware-q-thread.html)

And in case you can't take a hint: Google it.