Things That Sound Bad As a Verb

Dimitri Martin said, "Fingerpuppet."

I say, "Caucus."

I hope you are, where ever and whenever yours is.  Just the same.  It sounds like an Afterglide joke.

More at 11

Senate passes bill making running illegal-

Controversy found itself turning on its heels for capitol hill pundits last week, when lawmakers passed a law that makes running illegal.  The bill, which contained no earmarks (a rarity for it's type), explains that running should be illegal based on the varied effects it has on people.

Senator Headup Hisass explains, "It's unbelievable what this 'running' activity has done to people.  I can't believe people still do it.  I've heard of people having heart attacks while running... people tearing entire joints out.  And they keep doing it, pursuing that damned runners high."

Runner's high is at the center of the debate that this bill has created.  Should runner's high be illegal?  

More than one doctor says so, including Doctor Paid Toomuch who said, "Runner's high is a danger.  Lack of oxygen, elevated heart rate, combined with endorphines and dehydration create varied effects on subjects.  While some test subjects explained a feeling of contemplation and/or extreme concentration, other subjects described a feeling of exhilaration.  The conditions necessary to activate these properties are dangerous and people should not be left alone to make these choices.  If you take away the cause, I'm sure you'll find the cure."

The President is expected to sign the bill in to law this week, when asked for his opinion, said only this, "The welfare of American People is always at the... uh... forefront... of our... uh...  ideals.  I may not know anything about this 'runner's high', but if the effects are similar to marijuana or ecstasy, then I support... uh... the resolution as part of the war on terror.  Excuse me, I mean the steps necessary to protect Americans... from themselves.  Sorry, I wasn't suppose to say that last part."

Without further comment, lobbyists from Nike, Reebok and New Balance were left to find presidential advisors, to at least delay the signing.

A Nike spokesman took a moment to speak with us.

"While it is true that without running, people will not wear shoes out as quickly, we're not just lobbying for lost shoe sales.  The fact is, we will make it back up when everyone is too heavy and they start to break the shoes' support structure.  But we're also concerned about the freedoms of the American People.  You should have the right to choose the run.  You should have the right to be fit.  The government should have no control over that.  The president doesn't understand that.  I hear he wears crocs."

We asked Doctor Toomuch to explain the strategy behind dealing with the expect weight gain in the United States, but he did not offer much explanation, after being chided, he stopped to offer, "We'll invent a pill or something."