19 May 2008

Two for the price of one

Before I start, I'd like to say that I may be maintaining a pace of about one a week, sometimes it's less than that. I am neither apologetic about this, nor am I remorseful.

This weekend I found time to watch a movie I'd been avoiding for a few weeks now.

I suppose if you know me, you know my attachment to horrible, or at least moderately bad movies. A couple of examples? Wing Commander. Hackers. Between those two, if my punishment in hell was to watch the same two horrid movies for the rest of eternity, this would be closer to purgatory for me.

Don't think I could last? I might surprise you. I've seen Wing Commander more than 30 times. 4 of those times in theaters. When I get home at the end of the day, it's a bit of a chore not to plop down and watch it, even knowing that they threw away all the good bits of the Wing Commander saga and raped what was left... And you already know how much I love that series.

But there is some charm to bad movies. And I don't know what it is, but I almost prefer them to good ones. The good ones are so serious. And as serious a person I may be, I do enjoy the occasional chuckle. That's why I sat down and watched "In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege tale".

Ahh.... Uwe Boll. The bringer of such impeccable masterpieces, like; House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne and most recently In the Name of the King. (There is also a Postal movie that I really look forward to viewing.)

Boll is revered in the movie and gaming communities as a destroyer of Intellectual Properties, but the truth is, I think I'm a fan of his work.

Granted, I think it's hard to find anything redeemable in House of the Dead, but even his work in Alone in the Dark showed promise. Not everyone is a Wunderkind, but Boll has touched a very specific audience in a negative way. He is constantly criticized as a director who has no respect for the games he is translating, but I really don't think he sees it that way.

His latest production "In the Name of the King" is... interesting. There are things that I want to like about the movie, and things that I can't stand. I feel that one of the improvements Boll could make is to have someone rewrite the dialogue in a more natural manner. While "In the Name of the King" appears to take place in some fantasy land reminiscent of Scotland and England, a lot of the dialogue is uneven, in some places seeming clumsy and unwarranted (to move the plot along), in other places, far too elaborate (though this is usually where you gather the best quotes).

One of the greatest improvements I could attribute to Boll is that he appears to be doing his homework. His cinematography is vastly improved over the span of his American work and the extra effort really shows. While I think his stage crew could probably do more to integrate the stage setup in to the shots Boll sets up, I get the impression that Boll does his exposition shots after he films on stage. His light work has also come along way.

Hands down, the largest detractor from his work appears to be a shared responsibility: Casting and acting.

I'm not sure what they do to cast the parts out, if there are any feelers involved, or if they simply have someone in mind for the part when they write it and go balls out to get that person (which may be the case, as Boll casts many repeat actors), but I wonder if it might help to do screen tests with the actors to ensure that they mesh well. (A perfect example is the absolute lack of chemistry between Christian Slater--Whom I have a great amount of respect for-- and Tara Reid--Who may have finally gotten her plastic surgery fixed). The chemistry mismatch is certainly apparent, even as far as child actors go (Colin Ford as Zeph made me wish the kid was dead--I know, picking on a child actor isn't fair, but this is my opinion God Dammit).

Matthew Lillard and Ray Liotta stand out from the pack here, I'm feeling generous, so here's an entire section. I think if I were an actor, I would prefer not to be typecast, but it seems opposites attract here. Liotta, who may be typecast as the hard-ass italian guy who kills people, is instead the insane wizard guy who kills people by proxy. Lillard, who usually plays a bumbling idiot with redeeming qualities, plays a bumbling, power hungry idiot, with a lack of redeeming qualities. Lillard does stand out as the only person in the cast who attempted to change their usual delivery (in his case spouting lines thru his bottom row of teeth), and in some scenes attempts what might be construed (in a court of law) as an accent change.

No other main character in this movie does so. And the accents appear all over, including the highlight (a russian chambermaid?) whose accent is so unbearably bad, you have to imagine they either asked a non-speaking extra to take a line, or that she's just a really terrible Russian actor.

The rest of the actors in the movie sort of phone in their performances, and I get the impression that a lot of the actors were reading directly off of cue cards, though there are always exceptions: I felt Jason Statham and Ron Perlman actually worked quite well together, and Terrance Kelly made significant improvements over his performance in "Bloodrayne". Brian J White was also a positive mark on this movie, taking a performance past what is written in the script.

Overall, I don't have much bad to say about this movie. While I could go on about it's flaws, you could also dissect a movie like "The Matrix" in the same manner. That's not to say that these two movies are on the same caliber, but I might even venture to say I enjoyed "In the Name of the King" more so then I enjoyed "The Matrix Reloaded". I also see promise in Boll's future. And while I understand that the animosity a lot of the community shows is from bad blood, I call for them to remember movies like "Super Mario Bros", "Double Dragon", "Street Fighter" and "Mortal Kombat Annihilation"... even "Doom", and remember that Boll was nowhere to be seen for those movies.

*Disclaimer, I enjoyed all the movies mentioned at the end with the exception of "Mortal Kombat Annihilation".

12 May 2008

4 minutes to write this song

I find myself listening to the radio a lot more than I used to in recent years. Mostly, the local hip hop station (B96), and only because we enjoy listening to it. It seems that a lot of Hip hop music offers absolutely no content beyond what you've already heard before. Realistically speaking, we're listening to urban techno.

I say a lot about music, and they only thing I can derive from all this dissatisfaction is that I must not like music very much. I suppose that makes me a critic. But don't you ever listen to a song and think to yourself that maybe... just maybe you could have written that song for yourself?

Maybe you could have... especially when the best you could do for a chorus is "We only got 4 minutes to save the world".

Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe it's because I don't have the millions of dollars or the ambition to take a shitty idea farther than the beginning of the creative process.

I do the same shit with movie ideas... I think of an idea and I throw it out because maybe that idea is too stupid for anyone to take seriously... but then we get movies like the new Adam Sandler flick, You don't mess with the Zohan. But that's not what I'm really here to complain about. I should stick to the topic... that music sucks.

And that I'm not funny.

But there is one song that's really struck a ... I'm really sorry... struck a chord with me. I can't stop listening to it.

And it's folk music.

There has to be something extremely wrong with me at this point. I've probably listened to it 20 times today. But there's a charming quality to it. It's unassuming, and the "hook", as I've weaponized to criticize so many other songs with is delightfully unassuming. It's a slight rhythm change and a bit of a musical cliffhanger with an unresolved chord. Mrs. Gunz thinks I like it because it seems to be a song about just accepting life, and that's my mantra.

The song, while basic, maybe a bit over-produced, but that's bound to happen when it takes 9 years to put out a new album after a battle with cancer.

The people who are prone to read this blog won't know who I'm talking about. His name is John Prine, and his album Fair and Square may not be for everyone. Chances are, if you're reading this, you probably won't even like the song I'm referring to, which is called "Clay Pigeons", you'll probably make like the misses did and say, "it sounds nice".

Just the same, give it a listen, you may find yourself just as surprised as I did when I caught Prine's performance on PBS HD accidentally on a Saturday morning. But it's the least I can do for someone who found and produced a song by legendary songwriter (Blaze Foley, but I think you'll like Prine's version better), to make you listen to it.

29 April 2008

For Lack of Controversy

Today, after a short... 6 month delay, Grand Theft Auto 4 was released to millions of patient fans. And some not so patient ones. The game was leaked about a week before.

None-the-less, the game is out, and is just now beginning a shit-storm of responses from "journalists" who couldn't think themselves out of a wet paper bag. These journalists grew up in an atmosphere that taught them knee jerk reactions were the quickest ways to receive attention, and scaring the shit out of your public is the best way to gain respect from your public.

Unfortunately for them, as print news goes the way of the dodo, and the general public has discovered out that while your refrigerator could kill you and everyone you love, the simple fact that it hasn't done so yet is a fantastic reason not to tune in at eleven to watch someone who is paid millions of dollars to look good and read from a prompt talk down to you for 2 hours, and look concerned about the fact that crime is on the rise (even though it's been on a decline since the introduction of porn).

But I suppose any attention is good attention these days, right?

The debate seems to be the same. The same generation that was told that Rock and Roll was poisoning their minds and that violent movies and pornography and marijuana would all make them soulless killers, as if killing didn't exist before, is doing exactly what they said that wouldn't and they've all become their fathers.

I wonder what Cain watched on HBO that got him all angry.

28 April 2008

Nothing to Add

I'm feeling lazy. My post counts come in around 1 a week. Don't like it? Well, I can't help it, and complaining really won't help.

I'm addicted to two things right now: GTA 4 and Metal Gear Online. Both are fantastic, but MGO is definitely compensates the purchase of the Playstation 3.

When I'm not playing games, or ignoring movies that lay dormant on my media center (ones that I promised myself I would watch, even), I do spend a lot of time on social networking sites (like digg, Fark, or even 4chan). I also frequent a lot of blogs that I run in to when stumbling. I find a lot of interesting subjects that are written about, but that's not what I was here to complain about today.

It's the comments. I rarely get comments, so maybe I'm not an authority on what comments are supposed to be, but I do comment frequently, and if the only thing that I have to offer in addition to the post is "Awesome!" or "Beautiful!" or "HAHAHAHA!", I don't fucking write.

Now, that's not so bad, but people, really? Is that all you have to say? Is that all you can really think to say? Are you really so vapid?

I like it when people tell parallel stories... or have something to cite, but I think it really speaks for the intelligence of us as a society, that in essence and anonymity, we're all yes-men.

20 April 2008

Paradoxial Relationships

Today is our first anniversary. After 1 year of being together, I'm left with the notion that maybe it really isn't as bad as everyone says it is. Or something like that.

She's really a different breed of woman, and you'd never really know what I mean until you got to know her the way I do. Just the same, here we are, a year later, and looking back, it's been a damned good year. We've learned some more about each other. We've even gotten a little older (but don't tell anyone that).

About a week after we got married, we also bought a house. It's little, it's in a ghetto neighborhood, but it's ours and we love it.

But I guess the question is, after a year together. What do you take from each other? What is the most important lesson you learned?

She kicks in her sleep.

Happy Anniversary, love.

12 April 2008

Some things never change

R.Gunz: I thought we'd try something a little different today. Gina and I decided to collaborate on a post. Maybe it would get her involved... since she never posts anyway.

G.Gunz: Hey, why would you say that? But I'm misses--- argh.... *sigh* *laugh* *silent whimper* *gasp* STOP IT!!! *laugh* Why would you do that? No one's gonna want to read that.

(silence)

R.Gunz: Back to the subject. More importantly, I feel like slinging a little mud. Since "Two Guys From Italy" opened in Apple Valley, the Mrs. and I have gone 3 times. Each time we've gone, the restaurant, while physically the same, has been vastly different. One thing hasn't changed. The food. It still sucks. Well, that was kind of mean, and unnecessary. It's actually not terrible, but if you get a bowl of just pasta, I could quote the Mrs. on saying that "It tastes like school lunch." The portions aren't a bad size, but the food is simply too expensive for what you get. I'm not a foodie, but I know that if something is too salty for me, that's really fuckin' salty.

G.Gunz: I think the ownership has changed a couple of times, and there was a span of a month where the restaurant was closed entirely. Originally, if you wanted to dine in, you would go up to the counter and order. I think they're trying to make it posher, because they now seat you and take your order like a real restaurant. Unfortunately, their waiters have received little to no training.

R.Gunz: You have a penchant for understatement. Our waiter today... Todd? Mike?? Dumbass? Might have gotten training on how not to be a good waiter... maybe on how to be a prison guard. The place wasn't busy, but that gives no excuse to "hovering" over us. It took twenty minutes to get the food, which at Applebees or the Olive Garden might have been acceptable, but considering the "buffet-style" kitchen, you'd have expected a faster turn around. Also, Shit-bird wasn't familiar with Pinot Noir. Nor did he ask for ID, until I reminded him. Not that it matters to me, but if you serve alcohol, I'd expect you'd rather not get busted for serving a minor. I hear it's expensive.

G.Gunz: I'm really not that picky. I'm a lot more understanding of poor service than Ron is. But when he arrived with my Pinot Noir, I was surprised! The glass he brought it in looked like a tiny dessert wine glass, and it was filled to the top (he also spilled a little, and tried to use a napkin to clean it up, but the outside of the glass was still sticky). And not that I'm a wine snob, but I believe red wine is supposed to be in a larger wine glass, so it has some room to breathe.

R.Gunz: You also would think that 6.50 buys you a little more than 4 ounces of wine, but I guess I'm not on the same level as these people. I gotta imagine that the place is a tax hole. There can't be much money to be made with the service and the food. I had the Chicken Saltimboca, which alone, isn't too bad. The marsala probably needed a bit more simmer to take the edge off of the cheap wine they used, but the chicken had good flavor, and the prosciutto was cooked well. The penne was insulting, though. I think there were 14 or 15 penne noodles, topped with this... catsup... or something. After all that, the meal was doused in salt. The portion wasn't too small, which is good for them, but it did leave you with a feeling of "That's it? I guess I could have eaten a little more." I'll take the positive side of that argument and say it prevented you from over-eating, but was probably designed to make you want dessert. In the middle of the entree, Big bird showed up and said "Is everyhing tasting good?" We said, "Yes, thank you." He took two steps away, turned around and came back. "Can I get you anything else?"

G.Gunz: No, we just wanted him to go away. And by the time he came back to ask about dessert, we were not interested. We wanted to go home. When I paid up front, I gave him my credit card. For some reason, there was no space for a tip on the receipt. I wasn't sure what to do, so I didn't leave a tip.

R.Gunz: Not that it matters, we aren't going back. I get better service by the 16 year old at KFC.

06 April 2008

PIck a Card

One of my favorite authors is Orson Scott Card. I'm a huge science fiction fan, but there is something about the way this guy imagines the other worlds... or the future for that matter that is compelling to me. I bought a game (Advent Rising for the Xbox) that I can't even play (it's not on the 360 compatibility list) simply because he was the one who penned the story behind it. Between his writing and having once said that "Firefly" was the greatest Sci-Fi show on television, I'm willing to submit a petition for sainthood.

Now, I'm not a good writer, that much should be obvious, so I'm not sure what constitutes a good writer. I could tell you that I've certainly enjoyed more than my share of books by "bad writers" before. I could also tell you that I've had absolutely no interest in some books that would be considered that most important examples of literature during it's time, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

I could tell you that most Sci-Fi writers have absolutely no concept of what natural dialog sounds like, and Card seems guilty of that, but it's forgivable because the people he writes about are extraordinary and the times and places are different. What makes Card so different in my mind is the extent of the realization of his fiction, both in worlds and in characters. It's good enough that you find yourself making assumptions, and 9 times out of ten, you're right. The people are familiar enough that you'll recognize them as people in your life, which gave them a proper face.

I first read "Ender's Game" when I was in 7th grade, as a reading assignment from my teacher who'd been teaching long enough to recognize me for what I was: lazy and disinterested. I've made it a point to re-read the Ender Saga once a year (and the Bean Saga, now that it's been released and completed) because it seems that there's something to learn every time I read the books.

I recall that when I first finished "Ender's Game" (it didn't take a couple of days, that's how excited I was), my train of thought was related to how children/adolescents are just as capable of accomplishments (like saving the world and commanding battle fleets). Every year I read the books, I learn more about the positions taken in the book. And what the annihilation of a species actually means. It seems like the lesson I've learned to take from this is that innocence is the real difference between being an adult and a child.

Does that suggest that the children today have a terminal lack of innocence? I know that isn't the intention, but think back and remember what things were like when you were in elementary school and remember now that when a little girl kisses a little boy, that's now a suspension under the zero-tolerance sexual harassment policy.

You think about that while I crawl back to my hole in the shame of having admitted to reading "Ender's Game" after turning 15.