Life Explained

I think I was about 12 when I first asked myself the question "Am I really alive? Or am I dreaming that I'm alive?"

The question extends to a million other places, but the idea remains the same. What if reality isn't as it's explained to you? What if there are no other people, and you've just invented them all as it became convenient? What if the you you think you know is really just the you you want you to know?

The question is asked more elegantly in the movie "The Matrix" and had one of us decided to put pen to paper sooner, it would have made no difference at all. The question had been asked for ages, and touched on in just about all forms of media since the beginning of time. None of that matters, because it's such a fucking epiphany when you finally ask yourself. It's the definition of your existence at stake.

Do I exist?

It's a funny question, I think. In three words, you own the potential to completely negate any responsibility or consequence that your experiences have taught you. In three words, you have the potential to shed any frustration or misfortune in your existence.

Of course, the question was answered by a philosopher a few hundred years ago. Descartes wrote "Corgito, ergo sum", which if your Latin has fallen by the wayside, means simply "I think, therefore I am." Which, as Wikipedia is kind enough to regurgitate, was originally "Je pense donc je suis". That's french for the same, for the unintiated.

Yet, even if you go beyond him thousands of years, you'll find that Plato had explained conciousness in the simple "Knowledge of knowledge" idea, or you might find Aristotle's awareness text. That's fine, you can stay on that Wiki page.

Either way, the idea of explained existence has gone back much longer than your own suspected existence, and it's a fantastic reasoning (going back to "I think, therefore I am"), one I couldn't hope to disprove. Just the same, we'll turn the tables a second. What if you didn't exist?

What if everything you do is something I created? Or what if everything I do is something you've created? Or what if there is an omnipotent one among us who pulls all the strings either consciously or sub-consciously?

I suppose that could continue in any way. You could carry that line of questioning to the end of existence and never have any definite answer.

Which I suppose brings you to God.

To be completely honest with you, I never know where I sit on this subject. Some days, I just know, and in others I'm left in doubt. My favorite argument towards to existence of God is always simple. It's the Ockham's Razor of all explanations; "God did this." And yet, at the other end of the spectrum is Atheism. A clear case can be made here, too.

In that same, easy reasoning that God does exist, you have Chaos. The Big Bang theory. Evolution. Why do you exist? Because you do.

Anyone who tells you how improbable it is that you exist, that every facet of this life works within its tiny specification to make the world work the way it does, that every being has a blueprint and it can only be because God said it should be has no logical case.

You are here. The mosquitos are here. We have thunderstorms and the moon. Is it possible that we all exist because that's just the way it happened? If I had 2 eyes in the back of my head and a tail because that's the evolutionary course our species has taken would we be able to ask the same question. On the other end of Ockham's Razor is this, you exist because you do, not because a being decreed that you do.

The interesting thing about design is us. Humans. Regardless of how you view things, we are the key to this question. Are we the only species that debates the question of religion? Or existence? Maybe not.

But we seem to be the only species that has no place. We are unaccounted for. Without us, there is a cycle. Existence, then not. That's for every species, and not of equilibrium, because there is no permanent equilibrium, but a battle and an existence. Evolution, there it is again. But the difference between us and the other creatures is that we sacrifice to evolve. We destroy. And we question.

We live much longer than we once did, but is that not evolution? Even though the means are artificial, the idea that we are capable of building computers and machines or houses or roads or vehicles, is this not evolution? Applied Darwinism? A good portion of people would say that we've taken that out of the equation. That people now no longer succumb to allergies. That retardation or genetic disorder is no longer the determined end of the line. But what of reproduction?

It seems that we live in a world with two systems, science and religion. It seems that evolution and religion could co-exist. And yet, in most minds, they cannot. No one ever explains why, only that "God said it was" or "science demands it". Though there are few who could combine the ideals.

And then it might not matter at all.

Do I exist?

Fondly Remembered

One thing that every child born before 1989 looked forward to was getting stuff with the cereal box.

I think it may have been related to the difference in cool shit that we had, compared to the cool shit kids today have. It just doesn't seem to have the same appeal anymore, and today I just can't see why it ever did. Maybe I'm too old. Maybe it's because that shit they pack in with your cereal is pretty fucking disgusting.

Thankfully, they've moved the prizes outside of the bag.

Still, in my Frosted Flakes, among pictures of Harrison Ford and Shia LeBouf (whom I have an intolerance for, thought I don't know why), were the details of a value-add to the container of sugar-encrusted early-morning-fuel. The prize? An "Adventure Spoon", featuring a pillar (the handle) which prominently displays "Indiana Jones" in the trademark swoop, color-coded to indicate the hue your "Adventure Spoon" glows when the switch is turned on and the botton is actuated. In a separate bag was the actual spoon attachment, which was clear plastic and affixable to the top of the "pillar".

When I was about 6, I'd have gone apeshit with this thing. Of course, we used to eat cereal with forks to save the milk. My brother would confirm that.

But now, it seems the fervor behind cereal prizes is gone. It might be due to the fact that kids can bring DVD players, PSPs and Nintendo DSs to the table. Something that would have gotten me a knife stuck in my hand.

But at this point, now at 25, I look at this little plastic blessing and think "that's fucking disgusting." You wouldn't eat food with a toy soldier would you? (Jeremy can skip answering that question). At least plastic untensils give you the impression of sterility.

At least it lights up, I guess.

Guess What?

Just a quick update, since I'm feeling way too lazy to do any actual writing, I received my permit to carry from the Dakota County Sheriff's Department.

At first, I was worried that my application had been denied, as it has been only a short week since I applied. But I was wrong. I'm glad to be wrong for once.

Redemption

A couple of months ago, I finally made a stop in to the Sprint store, with the intention of getting my cell phone replaced. Not even hell would stop me.

Nor a clerk who clearly didn't want to be there.

After a bit of *ahem* cooperation exercises, I finally got the rep to agree that my phone was defective, that it was indeed ridiculous that I should have to send the phone out to LGs support office for up to a month to have them tell me that the phone is not defective (even though it shipped with faulty firmware), and that from a service standpoint, a customer who can't depend on his phone being on when he wants it turned on will probably not remain a customer much longer than his contract requires him to.

So they replaced my phone, and I have a couple of observations. Number 1?

That's what I'm fucking talking about. This phone works, and it works well. Not so much now that it works well, but that it's actually a good phone. The keyboard is more responsive and accurate, the phone is actually faster in some operations, the phone is now 3G compatible, and it's already excellent battery life is even more excellent. Almost Bill and Ted excellent. Seriously, I recharge it every 4th day, when the battery meter drops 1 bar.

Ok, so I'm not popular enough to get phone calls all the time, but I do text a lot.

I also don't use bluetooth, but it's never been too important to me. I know that I turn it off, this probably helps with the battery life.

I won't write another full review, since they addressed the number 1 concern I had with it, it shutting off all the time, and while it bothers the hell out of me that I had to argue constantly for 6 months to get a replacement, I'm glad I finally did.

Seriously, if you have this phone, and you're having problems, go get that shit replaced.

Concealed for Your Comfort

This last Saturday, I finally finished what I'd been meaning to do for about 4 years now. I'm not sure what had delayed me to this point, but there it is, and here I am. I haven't actually finished the process, but the difficult portion is over, and I'm ready to finish it up. Oh, I forgot to mention. I finally finished my Concealed Carry Weapons training.

It seems that everyone in the wife's family is particularly against the idea, but experiences are the things that tend to shape our ideals. Even my father, who was particularly against the idea of concealed carry, seems to be warming to the idea these days.

It seems that whenever I talk to people about CCW, there are polarized opinions about whether or not people can be trusted to carry weapons, but I always wonder why every one is so extreme about those beliefs. Not to say I don't carry the extreme belief on the one side, but where do the experiences come from that say I can't be trusted to carry a weapon for my own, or your defense?

From an political standpoint, my views aren't terribly extreme. I do believe in the second amendment as an important factor of our lives as Americans, as both a constant reminder that our current "freedoms" were earned, and that the "price of freedom is eternal vigilance." But don't call me a vigilante. My intention is not to enforce the law.

Regardless of how the rest of the debate goes, I think it's important to note that no one is ever convinced of the other's viewpoint, so let's not waste our time. But I do feel it's my obligation and my duty to protect myself and my loved ones if I am able to. And while I'm a large person, and some might call me intimidating, that does nothing when an assailant has a gun or a knife.

The truth is, I don't look forward to shooting anyone (and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous), but I do look forward to not being shot. I'm not seeking conflict, but I am seeking my right to exist in peace. If you see me in public, you won't see my weapon, that's all there is to it.

The most curious logic question I have is the longest running NRA question. Where does preventing law abiding citizens from owning and bearing firearms fix the issue of crime? If handguns are banned, you wouldn't see me, or most any other permit holder (with the exception of activists) carrying them, but I'm pretty sure that won't stop a violent repeat felon.

Owning a weapon legally is sometimes a chore. Maintaining the weapon is the most important part of ownership, but the actual cost of the weapon is prohibitive. My brother convinced me to purchase a Sig (I chose the P226 9mm because of the cost of ammunition), which was expensive, but thanks to circumstance, was less expensive than it should have been. I remember a time when buying a handgun on the black market cost roughly 200 dollars. Of course, that might have been used in a murder.

Ammunition is definitely what gets you down. It's entirely possible to expend 60 dollars in ammunition in an hour (I know, I've done it), and that's just the cheap stuff. There a fantastic brand of ammo out there called "Extreme Shock", which is frangible ammunition. For 20 rounds, it's $35 dollars, needless to say, I wouldn't recommend it for target shooting.

I did have to apologize to my brother, my next weapon is a Glock 31. He hates Glocks with a passion, but my mind is more open to the possibility now that I've felt it in my hand. The angles are a little awkward, but as I've learned during the shooting qualification, less important is whether or not you can hit the target at 75 feet, but more important is whether or not you can reacquire the target at 15.

I have to apologize to the guy I met at the training, his name is Ron. Ron was nice enough to stick around to see whether or not I would qualify with my weapon, and to see how well I shoot. Truth is, I was a little nervous going in to the whole thing, and since I hadn't been to the range in a couple of months, I was a little worried about what distances we were talking about (one of the courses I researched had a 15 round 45 foot requirement).

I relaxed a bit when they said 10 rounds at 15 feet, since that doesn't seem very far. I relaxed even further when I saw the target in relationship to myself. My first round was a double action pull, it leaned down and left, to the middle of the 8 ring, I was disappointed so I reacquired and bulleyed. At this point, I just let the other 8 rounds go. The whole experience was about 2 seconds in total, and the rest of the 8 shots all 9 ringed. It was all muscle memory, I wasn't really aiming at all. Sorry, Ron, if you got the impression that I see that well. It was like cheating.

Of course, I wasn't the one who brought the laser to the party. Or 4 guns to choose from.

I already bought a concealed carry holster, and an open carry holster.

My concealed carry holster is a Nick Matthew's special, here a picture:
He's a great guy, it's a fantastic build, great quality, and the best prices in the business. www.nm-holsters.com

You'll notice that the Sig P266R is actually a full sized handgun. I have trouble with compacts because I have such big hands. It's heavy, but it's an incredible weapon. And you really won't be able to see it.

My other holster (the open carry), is the large and unwieldy Blackhawk Serpa CQC. It's an awesome holster, and nearly impossible to break. I won't be using it often, but in the winter time, under a large coat, you won't want to fumble with your layers of clothing.

At the end of the day, if you shoot someone, you're going to jail. I think a lot of people lose sight of this. You'll have to prove you were justified, which is more difficult than say... casting doubt that you are guilty. You've admitted to the event. But it's better than being a victim.

I'll make you a deal though; if I see you in trouble, and you want me to put the gun away and not help you, I will.

Internet Culture (in a nutshell)

Of the millions of people, a hundreds of thousands of communities on the internet, it's interesting to see how people break down. The communities I tend to frequent are information related, and there is definitely an interesting culture there. I like to call them "God Complex Communities."

That's not to say I haven't fallen in to the same trap that often causes my digitally adept brethren such anxiety when it comes to answering a simple query from our inept counterparts. Or even just reading the question...

Because the answer is posted in the first 3000 results on Google.

In my most recent experiences, I'd say you could breakdown information communities in to three main groups (and several subgroups).

1) People who know what the fuck they're doing. (Knowledgimus Attainimus)

2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing. (Assisitmus Asshatimus)

3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (Fucking Lazy)

To clarify, normally I would connect 2 and 3, but the information community is special. The people of 2 are generally willing to look up information if it pertains to what they need to know. They'll just make up the rest for you later.

Let's break this down, though.

1) People who know what the fuck they're doing.

In this group, I find I'm able to classify them in to 3 subcategories. Not everyone falls in to the same group all of the time, it really depends on the subject and the time of day for some people.

So, sub-phyla a: People who are willing to bend over backwards to help you with your problems (The latin joke wasn't funny to begin with, so I'll end it here).

These people are like those teachers in high school that tell you that you can do anything, are willing to stay late to help you with a few problems you just could not figure out and might even be willing to take some time on the weekend to make sure. Teaching you helps them learn later on. They're cautious to remind you that the information is available in the source if it doesn't seem like you're making an honest effort, but will defend you from anyone who says you're just too stupid to get it. Also, they're probably fucking your girlfriend.

Sub-phyla b starts with a person generally of the same knowledge level, or perhaps higher than the people of sub-phyla a. These people, however, are only willing to point you in the direction of the information (usually by saying "Google is your friend") and ending the conversation there. They are the equivalent of that chemistry teacher who would only answer you by saying "What do you think?"

Sub-phyla c is a mixed bunch. They are about a 50/50 split on the knowledge level (people who know way too much about the subject, and people who know just enough to get by). When asked a question, or even spotting a question in a forum 5 threads down from where they were watching their posts, they'll quickly swoop in, call you a "Fucking idiot" and tell you that "if you missed the other 50,000 posts, you should use the fucking search feature on this god-damned website" and that "things were way better before all the noobs got here." This is who sub-phyla a would defend you from.

2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing.

Out of group 2, there are only two sub-phyla; a, the people who are lying to you about what is happening but sound really confident (these guys usually get called out and disappear, this can be mistaken for sarcasm, but don't believe that, they were just lying.), and b, the people who lying about it but end every sentence with "But I don't know", "I could be wrong", "IMO" or "IMHO" and "That's what worked for me".

Ignore both of these people.

3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are usually unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (n00bz!)

The interesting thing about these communities is that it really is the noobs that are the reason things are there. Smart moderators try to keep a lid on stupid people, but they'll also restrain the knowledgeable assholes. Friendly communities bring in the most ad revenue.

Noobs are interesting. It doesn't take much to be one. In some circles, masters of one sort of information are completely useless in others. Sometimes it doesn't even have to do with separate subjects. Of these, there are four types.

A- This is public enemy number one. Too lazy to do anything about it guy. Even though the information is available everywhere, you need to tell him because he's asking really nicely. He will never stop asking questions until God himself reaches down and helps him out. "Can anyone help me? I can't see the picture, I only get sound. Thanks in advance!"

B- This is public enemy number two. He's actually more of a jerk, and he found the basic information, but he can't get a hold of the concept and it's all your fault. When he's being a real dick, he'll pretend to be sarcastic or end his posts with "lol". The only reason that these guys aren't number one is because they quit very quickly. "I can't get this custom firmware to install and it's really PISSING ME OFF. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CODE SOFTWARE BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT. /Sarcasm. LOL :)"

Go ahead, act like you weren't being a complete dick. That's fine... I'm sure no one will notice.

C- They're what I like to call the "believers". Not because they believe in what you're saying, but because they're like those guys that are convinced that the brief glimpse of an alien is real. Or that the debunking of UFO videos is just a cover up. They simply don't listen, and aren't happy until you're saying what they want to read.
From the post- "and you will need to use a service/pandora/tool battery to install this custom firmware. Please stop asking. If you don't have one, make one, and if you can't make one, buy one."

noob- "Cool, so does this mean that I don't need a pandora battery?"

And D- The best noob of all, the reader. The most you get out of this guy is "LOL, thanks", or "Awesome guide, you guys are great. I never would have figured this out without your help." These people are usually the experts on other subjects and have decided to expand their knowledge out of interest, or because it will help them later on. They've already googled it and found what they needed. Or were actually reading the posts on the forums and found the linke that you created to point the noobs in the direction to the previously posted information.

Here's a sample thread, which is the goings on of just about every thread on the PSP mod forums, and even the piratebay:


1a- Hey guys, I've created a guide on how to install the new custom firmware that Dark Alex has released for the psp. You'll need a pandora/tool/service battery and a memory stick at least 256 megs big. Here it goes: (content)

3a- Nice guide. Thanks.

2a- Wow, great job. I was just writing my own custom firmware that even lets you do something unrealistically amazing.

1c- No you didn't. You're a fucking liar. Or prove it.

2a- Come on, I was being sarcastic.

3a- Hey, I can't run this, it says "could not initiallize". Can anyone help? I'd really appreciate it.

1c- God, what the fuck is wrong with you fucking noobs? Why can't you just find your own god-fucking-damned information. All this bullshit was already available in the last 4 million threads.

1b- Google it. Google is your friend.

1a- Chill, dude. (Detailed set of questions regarding situation, but at the end, he only has one suggestion, the right one.) Did you downgrade to 1.5 with a Magic Memory Stick?

3a- How to I create a magic memory stick?

1a- (Helpful link).

3b- I can't believe this bullshit. Why don't you learn how to code? This shit doesn't work. You guys are probably distributing viruses or something. lol.

3a- Can you help me with creating a magic memory stick?

1c- Are you fucking serious? He only posted that link like 3 minutes before you posted. At least fucking try it.

3a (an hour later)- Help? Plz?

1a- No, I think I agree with 1c on this one. You should try it before asking.

2b- I had to do some swap trick with two memory sticks and two batteries. I'm not sure how, but it worked for me. It was pretty easy, IMHO.

1b- Swap trick? What are you on? We haven't had to do swap tricks since the % trick.

3a- The what?

1b- Nevermind. Fucking google it.

1a- Do you have a pandora battery?

3a- No?

1a- Make one. Here's a guide (Useful link).

3a- I don't know how to do that.

1a- Fine, buy one. (Useful link).

3b- Why the fuck should he buy one? Why doesn't your shit just work? (User was banned for this post)

3a- Why can't I just install this?

1a- Look, I've tried to help you, but maybe you should just pay someone to do this for you.

3a- Can you do it? For Free?

2a- I can!

1a- No you can't, shut up. And I won't. Sorry, but you need to figure this out on your own.

3c- Wow, nice guide. So you don't need a Pandora battery right?

1a- Just... shut up.

3d- Hey, thanks for the guide, 1c. It really helped me install the CFW. I don't know why the other guys couldn't get it. I thought the pictures really helped.

(This example thread was edited for content. Most real world threads won't be nearly as legible with all the chat speak and illiteracy that ironically plagues the internet. Here's the original thread: http://www.pspmod.com/forums/custom-firmware/8459-dark_alex-custom-firmware-q-thread.html)

And in case you can't take a hint: Google it.

What's up more than a month?

I remember a time when I could barely restrain myself from posting 5 times a week, and here I've let this sit for a month. Shame on me.

Today, I find myself contemplative. Not of any other greater ideal. Not of our nation's current economic situation (regardless of how I think the economy is actually doing). But of The Dark Knight.

This summer's blockbuster has gone under no one's radar after all the fantastic press, not to mention the death of Heath Ledger (which now has his fans rabidly calling for an Oscar due to his performance). I'm sure you know all that because you haven't been hiding under a rock the last two weeks.

And now that The Dark Knight has broken records left and right, and though unofficially there is no numbers to say it's outperformed the dreadful Spiderman 3 for a total weekend box-office pull, I find it extremely difficult to believe that it hasn't, and I think everyone's studio estimates have their money on the same outcome.

I say good for them. And, I'm dying to see this movie. But I can't.

It's not because I don't enjoy movies. I loved Batman Begins. I'd even call myself a Christian Bale fan (not as big as others may be, but a fan nonetheless). Man crush even.

My inability to see this movie stems from my absolute hatred of the theater experience. I don't mind paying for tickets. Or even ridiculous concession prices (and they are ridiculous, but standing in line and saying "Wow, these prices are ridiculous" doesn't lower prices, it just makes you look like an ass to the 16 year old girl that gets paid 5.75 an hour to get your popcorn and listen to you complain about the prices).

My problem isn't even the seating (but some of you need to take your fucking hats off). It's the people. Which goes back to people and hats.

I have 6 rules to theater going, and you can call me an asshole, but if I spend 10 dollars on a ticket, I spent 10 bucks to so fuck you. I follow these rules, and I assume that decent people follow them, too. But some people don't. So I don't go to theaters. It solves the problem on both ends.

Rule #1: Shut the fuck up. -I don't want to hear it, your friends don't want to hear it. How are you enjoying the movie if you're not listening to what the fuck is going on?

Rule #2: Shut the fuck up. -I'm not just talking about your friend. You too. Stop talking.

Rule #3: Put the god-damned phone away. -I don't care. I think you can live without it for 2 and a half hours.

Rule #4: No, really, put the god-damned phone away. -Texting is still not an acceptable usage for a phone in the theater. I especially since you think the phone talker guy is rude. I make an exception for this. If you're willing to wear a big jacket and zip it up, then do all your texting with your head in the jacket turtle-style, then I'm willing to compromise.

Rule #5: If you're in the theater, you should know what your bladder is capable of. -The obvious exception to this rule is kids movies. But I haven't seen a movie under PG-13 in theaters in probably 15 years. And really, PG-13 is the new R. Stop drinking the whole soda and sit down. I really don't want to hear, or feel the door opening. A theater is like a big subwoofer, and opening that door changes the whole atmosphere.

Rule #6: Be mindful of others. Physically. -I'm a big guy, but if I'm in a crowded theater, I'll pull my shoulders in so that I'm not touching you. Don't touch me. Especially don't touch me if I don't know you. Don't take up both arm rests if there are people sitting directly next to you. And put your feet on the floor. If you kick me in the head because you can't sit with your feet on the floor, I'm really gonna fuck up your night.

I know that if I go and see this movie, that someone is bound to violate these rules (and if not just 1, which I can almost tolerate, then all of them).

The internal debate is then whether or not I'm willing to put up with it in order to see a movie. 99 times out of 100, the answer is no.

I'm still undecided.