Of the millions of people, a hundreds of thousands of communities on the internet, it's interesting to see how people break down. The communities I tend to frequent are information related, and there is definitely an interesting culture there. I like to call them "God Complex Communities."
That's not to say I haven't fallen in to the same trap that often causes my digitally adept brethren such anxiety when it comes to answering a simple query from our inept counterparts. Or even just reading the question...
Because the answer is posted in the first 3000 results on Google.
In my most recent experiences, I'd say you could breakdown information communities in to three main groups (and several subgroups).
1) People who know what the fuck they're doing. (Knowledgimus Attainimus)
2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing. (Assisitmus Asshatimus)
3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (Fucking Lazy)
To clarify, normally I would connect 2 and 3, but the information community is special. The people of 2 are generally willing to look up information if it pertains to what they need to know. They'll just make up the rest for you later.
Let's break this down, though.
1) People who know what the fuck they're doing.
In this group, I find I'm able to classify them in to 3 subcategories. Not everyone falls in to the same group all of the time, it really depends on the subject and the time of day for some people.
So, sub-phyla a: People who are willing to bend over backwards to help you with your problems (The latin joke wasn't funny to begin with, so I'll end it here).
These people are like those teachers in high school that tell you that you can do anything, are willing to stay late to help you with a few problems you just could not figure out and might even be willing to take some time on the weekend to make sure. Teaching you helps them learn later on. They're cautious to remind you that the information is available in the source if it doesn't seem like you're making an honest effort, but will defend you from anyone who says you're just too stupid to get it. Also, they're probably fucking your girlfriend.
Sub-phyla b starts with a person generally of the same knowledge level, or perhaps higher than the people of sub-phyla a. These people, however, are only willing to point you in the direction of the information (usually by saying "Google is your friend") and ending the conversation there. They are the equivalent of that chemistry teacher who would only answer you by saying "What do you think?"
Sub-phyla c is a mixed bunch. They are about a 50/50 split on the knowledge level (people who know way too much about the subject, and people who know just enough to get by). When asked a question, or even spotting a question in a forum 5 threads down from where they were watching their posts, they'll quickly swoop in, call you a "Fucking idiot" and tell you that "if you missed the other 50,000 posts, you should use the fucking search feature on this god-damned website" and that "things were way better before all the noobs got here." This is who sub-phyla a would defend you from.
2) People who lie about knowing what the fuck they're doing.
Out of group 2, there are only two sub-phyla; a, the people who are lying to you about what is happening but sound really confident (these guys usually get called out and disappear, this can be mistaken for sarcasm, but don't believe that, they were just lying.), and b, the people who lying about it but end every sentence with "But I don't know", "I could be wrong", "IMO" or "IMHO" and "That's what worked for me".
Ignore both of these people.
3) People who don't know what the fuck they're doing, and are usually unwilling to do anything for themselves to remedy this situation. (n00bz!)
The interesting thing about these communities is that it really is the noobs that are the reason things are there. Smart moderators try to keep a lid on stupid people, but they'll also restrain the knowledgeable assholes. Friendly communities bring in the most ad revenue.
Noobs are interesting. It doesn't take much to be one. In some circles, masters of one sort of information are completely useless in others. Sometimes it doesn't even have to do with separate subjects. Of these, there are four types.
A- This is public enemy number one. Too lazy to do anything about it guy. Even though the information is available everywhere, you need to tell him because he's asking really nicely. He will never stop asking questions until God himself reaches down and helps him out. "Can anyone help me? I can't see the picture, I only get sound. Thanks in advance!"
B- This is public enemy number two. He's actually more of a jerk, and he found the basic information, but he can't get a hold of the concept and it's all your fault. When he's being a real dick, he'll pretend to be sarcastic or end his posts with "lol". The only reason that these guys aren't number one is because they quit very quickly. "I can't get this custom firmware to install and it's really PISSING ME OFF. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CODE SOFTWARE BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT. /Sarcasm. LOL :)"
Go ahead, act like you weren't being a complete dick. That's fine... I'm sure no one will notice.
C- They're what I like to call the "believers". Not because they believe in what you're saying, but because they're like those guys that are convinced that the brief glimpse of an alien is real. Or that the debunking of UFO videos is just a cover up. They simply don't listen, and aren't happy until you're saying what they want to read.
From the post- "and you will need to use a service/pandora/tool battery to install this custom firmware. Please stop asking. If you don't have one, make one, and if you can't make one, buy one."
noob- "Cool, so does this mean that I don't need a pandora battery?"
And D- The best noob of all, the reader. The most you get out of this guy is "LOL, thanks", or "Awesome guide, you guys are great. I never would have figured this out without your help." These people are usually the experts on other subjects and have decided to expand their knowledge out of interest, or because it will help them later on. They've already googled it and found what they needed. Or were actually reading the posts on the forums and found the linke that you created to point the noobs in the direction to the previously posted information.
Here's a sample thread, which is the goings on of just about every thread on the PSP mod forums, and even the piratebay:
1a- Hey guys, I've created a guide on how to install the new custom firmware that Dark Alex has released for the psp. You'll need a pandora/tool/service battery and a memory stick at least 256 megs big. Here it goes: (content)
3a- Nice guide. Thanks.
2a- Wow, great job. I was just writing my own custom firmware that even lets you do something unrealistically amazing.
1c- No you didn't. You're a fucking liar. Or prove it.
2a- Come on, I was being sarcastic.
3a- Hey, I can't run this, it says "could not initiallize". Can anyone help? I'd really appreciate it.
1c- God, what the fuck is wrong with you fucking noobs? Why can't you just find your own god-fucking-damned information. All this bullshit was already available in the last 4 million threads.
1b- Google it. Google is your friend.
1a- Chill, dude. (Detailed set of questions regarding situation, but at the end, he only has one suggestion, the right one.) Did you downgrade to 1.5 with a Magic Memory Stick?
3a- How to I create a magic memory stick?
1a- (Helpful link).
3b- I can't believe this bullshit. Why don't you learn how to code? This shit doesn't work. You guys are probably distributing viruses or something. lol.
3a- Can you help me with creating a magic memory stick?
1c- Are you fucking serious? He only posted that link like 3 minutes before you posted. At least fucking try it.
3a (an hour later)- Help? Plz?
1a- No, I think I agree with 1c on this one. You should try it before asking.
2b- I had to do some swap trick with two memory sticks and two batteries. I'm not sure how, but it worked for me. It was pretty easy, IMHO.
1b- Swap trick? What are you on? We haven't had to do swap tricks since the % trick.
3a- The what?
1b- Nevermind. Fucking google it.
1a- Do you have a pandora battery?
3a- No?
1a- Make one. Here's a guide (Useful link).
3a- I don't know how to do that.
1a- Fine, buy one. (Useful link).
3b- Why the fuck should he buy one? Why doesn't your shit just work? (User was banned for this post)
3a- Why can't I just install this?
1a- Look, I've tried to help you, but maybe you should just pay someone to do this for you.
3a- Can you do it? For Free?
2a- I can!
1a- No you can't, shut up. And I won't. Sorry, but you need to figure this out on your own.
3c- Wow, nice guide. So you don't need a Pandora battery right?
1a- Just... shut up.
3d- Hey, thanks for the guide, 1c. It really helped me install the CFW. I don't know why the other guys couldn't get it. I thought the pictures really helped.
(This example thread was edited for content. Most real world threads won't be nearly as legible with all the chat speak and illiteracy that ironically plagues the internet. Here's the original thread: http://www.pspmod.com/forums/custom-firmware/8459-dark_alex-custom-firmware-q-thread.html)
And in case you can't take a hint: Google it.
28 July 2008
21 July 2008
What's up more than a month?
I remember a time when I could barely restrain myself from posting 5 times a week, and here I've let this sit for a month. Shame on me.
Today, I find myself contemplative. Not of any other greater ideal. Not of our nation's current economic situation (regardless of how I think the economy is actually doing). But of The Dark Knight.
This summer's blockbuster has gone under no one's radar after all the fantastic press, not to mention the death of Heath Ledger (which now has his fans rabidly calling for an Oscar due to his performance). I'm sure you know all that because you haven't been hiding under a rock the last two weeks.
And now that The Dark Knight has broken records left and right, and though unofficially there is no numbers to say it's outperformed the dreadful Spiderman 3 for a total weekend box-office pull, I find it extremely difficult to believe that it hasn't, and I think everyone's studio estimates have their money on the same outcome.
I say good for them. And, I'm dying to see this movie. But I can't.
It's not because I don't enjoy movies. I loved Batman Begins. I'd even call myself a Christian Bale fan (not as big as others may be, but a fan nonetheless). Man crush even.
My inability to see this movie stems from my absolute hatred of the theater experience. I don't mind paying for tickets. Or even ridiculous concession prices (and they are ridiculous, but standing in line and saying "Wow, these prices are ridiculous" doesn't lower prices, it just makes you look like an ass to the 16 year old girl that gets paid 5.75 an hour to get your popcorn and listen to you complain about the prices).
My problem isn't even the seating (but some of you need to take your fucking hats off). It's the people. Which goes back to people and hats.
I have 6 rules to theater going, and you can call me an asshole, but if I spend 10 dollars on a ticket, I spent 10 bucks to so fuck you. I follow these rules, and I assume that decent people follow them, too. But some people don't. So I don't go to theaters. It solves the problem on both ends.
Rule #1: Shut the fuck up. -I don't want to hear it, your friends don't want to hear it. How are you enjoying the movie if you're not listening to what the fuck is going on?
Rule #2: Shut the fuck up. -I'm not just talking about your friend. You too. Stop talking.
Rule #3: Put the god-damned phone away. -I don't care. I think you can live without it for 2 and a half hours.
Rule #4: No, really, put the god-damned phone away. -Texting is still not an acceptable usage for a phone in the theater. I especially since you think the phone talker guy is rude. I make an exception for this. If you're willing to wear a big jacket and zip it up, then do all your texting with your head in the jacket turtle-style, then I'm willing to compromise.
Rule #5: If you're in the theater, you should know what your bladder is capable of. -The obvious exception to this rule is kids movies. But I haven't seen a movie under PG-13 in theaters in probably 15 years. And really, PG-13 is the new R. Stop drinking the whole soda and sit down. I really don't want to hear, or feel the door opening. A theater is like a big subwoofer, and opening that door changes the whole atmosphere.
Rule #6: Be mindful of others. Physically. -I'm a big guy, but if I'm in a crowded theater, I'll pull my shoulders in so that I'm not touching you. Don't touch me. Especially don't touch me if I don't know you. Don't take up both arm rests if there are people sitting directly next to you. And put your feet on the floor. If you kick me in the head because you can't sit with your feet on the floor, I'm really gonna fuck up your night.
I know that if I go and see this movie, that someone is bound to violate these rules (and if not just 1, which I can almost tolerate, then all of them).
The internal debate is then whether or not I'm willing to put up with it in order to see a movie. 99 times out of 100, the answer is no.
I'm still undecided.
Today, I find myself contemplative. Not of any other greater ideal. Not of our nation's current economic situation (regardless of how I think the economy is actually doing). But of The Dark Knight.
This summer's blockbuster has gone under no one's radar after all the fantastic press, not to mention the death of Heath Ledger (which now has his fans rabidly calling for an Oscar due to his performance). I'm sure you know all that because you haven't been hiding under a rock the last two weeks.
And now that The Dark Knight has broken records left and right, and though unofficially there is no numbers to say it's outperformed the dreadful Spiderman 3 for a total weekend box-office pull, I find it extremely difficult to believe that it hasn't, and I think everyone's studio estimates have their money on the same outcome.
I say good for them. And, I'm dying to see this movie. But I can't.
It's not because I don't enjoy movies. I loved Batman Begins. I'd even call myself a Christian Bale fan (not as big as others may be, but a fan nonetheless). Man crush even.
My inability to see this movie stems from my absolute hatred of the theater experience. I don't mind paying for tickets. Or even ridiculous concession prices (and they are ridiculous, but standing in line and saying "Wow, these prices are ridiculous" doesn't lower prices, it just makes you look like an ass to the 16 year old girl that gets paid 5.75 an hour to get your popcorn and listen to you complain about the prices).
My problem isn't even the seating (but some of you need to take your fucking hats off). It's the people. Which goes back to people and hats.
I have 6 rules to theater going, and you can call me an asshole, but if I spend 10 dollars on a ticket, I spent 10 bucks to so fuck you. I follow these rules, and I assume that decent people follow them, too. But some people don't. So I don't go to theaters. It solves the problem on both ends.
Rule #1: Shut the fuck up. -I don't want to hear it, your friends don't want to hear it. How are you enjoying the movie if you're not listening to what the fuck is going on?
Rule #2: Shut the fuck up. -I'm not just talking about your friend. You too. Stop talking.
Rule #3: Put the god-damned phone away. -I don't care. I think you can live without it for 2 and a half hours.
Rule #4: No, really, put the god-damned phone away. -Texting is still not an acceptable usage for a phone in the theater. I especially since you think the phone talker guy is rude. I make an exception for this. If you're willing to wear a big jacket and zip it up, then do all your texting with your head in the jacket turtle-style, then I'm willing to compromise.
Rule #5: If you're in the theater, you should know what your bladder is capable of. -The obvious exception to this rule is kids movies. But I haven't seen a movie under PG-13 in theaters in probably 15 years. And really, PG-13 is the new R. Stop drinking the whole soda and sit down. I really don't want to hear, or feel the door opening. A theater is like a big subwoofer, and opening that door changes the whole atmosphere.
Rule #6: Be mindful of others. Physically. -I'm a big guy, but if I'm in a crowded theater, I'll pull my shoulders in so that I'm not touching you. Don't touch me. Especially don't touch me if I don't know you. Don't take up both arm rests if there are people sitting directly next to you. And put your feet on the floor. If you kick me in the head because you can't sit with your feet on the floor, I'm really gonna fuck up your night.
I know that if I go and see this movie, that someone is bound to violate these rules (and if not just 1, which I can almost tolerate, then all of them).
The internal debate is then whether or not I'm willing to put up with it in order to see a movie. 99 times out of 100, the answer is no.
I'm still undecided.
16 June 2008
I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Cry
My obsession with certain games, and addiction to certain book series' probably relates directly to my ability to relate to, sympathize with or even respect the characters that are portrayed. While I have a hard time enjoying books or movies with the end-all-be-all-bad-ass, I do (as many others do) gravitate towards the unlikely, or reluctant hero. Snake doesn't really fit any specific category, but is more like a end-all-be-all-bad-ass-unlikely-reluctant hero.
If you haven't played the games, only the first third of that statement will make sense to you, unless you haven't heard anything about it, or seen a commercial, then you don't give two shits about what I'm saying.
In any case, it's an interesting turn of events that this game had been so all encompassing that I haven't written a blog entry since the release date. The very date my last blog entry was (when I mounted the kitchen pc) the same night I stood outside with people much more talkative and annoying than I to play a game I'd been waiting for 3 and a half years for.
Now that it's over (and I've beat the game more than 4 times at this point), I'm not sure what there is left to say except that it was like losing a friend.
Now that everything is over, it seems like there is nothing left. I still play the game online, as there is an online component, but it doesn't quite compare. After 20 years of mystery, excitement and double crossings (of course, I still have the original NES cartridge), it really is the end of an era.
If you haven't played the games, only the first third of that statement will make sense to you, unless you haven't heard anything about it, or seen a commercial, then you don't give two shits about what I'm saying.
In any case, it's an interesting turn of events that this game had been so all encompassing that I haven't written a blog entry since the release date. The very date my last blog entry was (when I mounted the kitchen pc) the same night I stood outside with people much more talkative and annoying than I to play a game I'd been waiting for 3 and a half years for.
Now that it's over (and I've beat the game more than 4 times at this point), I'm not sure what there is left to say except that it was like losing a friend.
Now that everything is over, it seems like there is nothing left. I still play the game online, as there is an online component, but it doesn't quite compare. After 20 years of mystery, excitement and double crossings (of course, I still have the original NES cartridge), it really is the end of an era.
12 June 2008
King of Procrastination
I work in phases. Kind of like the moon, but a lot lazier. Namely a "when-I-feel-like-it" basis.
I have a hard time faulting myself for this method. It doesn't agree with the business world, truth be told, however it does prevent me from putting out some really bad work.
One thing that I've been avoiding like the plague or the stinky kid in elementary school is the kitchen computer. Not so much building it, as installing it.
It'd been built for a while, and Gina even bought a touch screen monitor to make it all snazzy and what not. Months had gone by and my initial installation date rolled on. This time, not so much from laziness (well, it was there, too), but from ignorance.
One thing I should mention, if I were to have evaluated this house when it was built, I would have had to have them do it all over again. There are short cuts everywhere you look. Calling the spacing between studs non-standard would be like saying Gilbert Gottfried is kind of annoying. The wall it was mounted on has two studs, where the "doorway" opens and where the wall meets a corner. The electrical wiring is hanging out, so everything had to be done around it.
My buddy made some promises to help, but these grand plans never came to fruition, instead, last weekend (on another failed attempt to rendezvous with my friend), I made it my goal to finish this damned project for once and for all). Here are the final results:
That's right. Who's got a huge ass computer in their kitchen?
I am a mushroom cloud makin' mothafucker, mothafucker.
I have a hard time faulting myself for this method. It doesn't agree with the business world, truth be told, however it does prevent me from putting out some really bad work.
One thing that I've been avoiding like the plague or the stinky kid in elementary school is the kitchen computer. Not so much building it, as installing it.
It'd been built for a while, and Gina even bought a touch screen monitor to make it all snazzy and what not. Months had gone by and my initial installation date rolled on. This time, not so much from laziness (well, it was there, too), but from ignorance.
One thing I should mention, if I were to have evaluated this house when it was built, I would have had to have them do it all over again. There are short cuts everywhere you look. Calling the spacing between studs non-standard would be like saying Gilbert Gottfried is kind of annoying. The wall it was mounted on has two studs, where the "doorway" opens and where the wall meets a corner. The electrical wiring is hanging out, so everything had to be done around it.
My buddy made some promises to help, but these grand plans never came to fruition, instead, last weekend (on another failed attempt to rendezvous with my friend), I made it my goal to finish this damned project for once and for all). Here are the final results:
That's right. Who's got a huge ass computer in their kitchen?
I am a mushroom cloud makin' mothafucker, mothafucker.
02 June 2008
Career Paths
When you're young, you're full of ideals. Some of them are placed there by your parents, some you acquire along the way.
What did you want to be when you were growing up? Chances are, if you're like the other 98% of us, you're not doing it today. Maybe you realized that whatever it was that you wanted to do was absolutely no fun at all. Maybe you realized that the chances of your being able to do it was close to nil. Maybe you smoked too much pot in high school. Who knows?
Just the same, here you are.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a cop. Then I wanted to be an astronaut... then a lawyer (you can blame my mom for that). Then sometime around high school I didn't want to be anything. And now that I'm in the real world, and I've done enough different "skilled" jobs to make a Con-artist sick (all without a college education, I might proudly add), I think I've come full circle.
But that's another story.
There was a time around the 5th grade, when Nintendo Power was at the height of it's popularity, I was a student of Tracey Elementary School, a girl named Anna had my attentions, and I had hers (though I was too stupid to make use of them). Awkwardly, one of my better friends at the time was her brother, whom I will not name, though we had much in common, and often traded nintendo games with each other.
The prolific "Nintendo Power" we were so fond of would make no impression as a serious gaming magazine these days, but gaming, still technically in its infancy, was a bit of a different world. Authors of reviews would offer primitive descriptions of games with fancy details about levels to prove that they'd actually played them. What constituted a good game was a finer line than today when more was left to the imagination that the graphics hardware.
Still, you'd dream of a job where you'd get paid to write down your thoughts regarding a specific video game title. Getting paid to play games? Who wouldn't want that? Since you currently pay to play games, it was a trifecta of awesomeness. You didn't have a crappy job, you played games, and you got paid to play them.
Of course, whenever we did get the idea to review games, it seems we weren't quite eloquent enough to hold our own attentions, much less that of the reader.
Still, there were those of us that would try. And fail.
The videos below show a nineties era game review. Notice how in the first one, regarding Goldeneye, he states that the game is too hard, and that the game gets boring, and that he wants more cutscenes. Also note that he says he didn't play multiplayer, and that nobody buys a game for multiplayer.
Then think about how Goldeneye ushered in a new era of multiplayer games, and changed the shape of party gaming.
Now watch this:
Then watch this (which has nothing to do with goldeneye).
About halfway thru this guy's review does he say something so surprising I had to stop the video and listen for it again:
It all makes me think I should have gone and done it anyway.
Still, here's more of this crappy review company, in case you're interested in revisiting the past. (If you want to get a look at the guy whose annoying voice you've been listening to, try this link.)
What did you want to be when you were growing up? Chances are, if you're like the other 98% of us, you're not doing it today. Maybe you realized that whatever it was that you wanted to do was absolutely no fun at all. Maybe you realized that the chances of your being able to do it was close to nil. Maybe you smoked too much pot in high school. Who knows?
Just the same, here you are.
When I was younger, I wanted to be a cop. Then I wanted to be an astronaut... then a lawyer (you can blame my mom for that). Then sometime around high school I didn't want to be anything. And now that I'm in the real world, and I've done enough different "skilled" jobs to make a Con-artist sick (all without a college education, I might proudly add), I think I've come full circle.
But that's another story.
There was a time around the 5th grade, when Nintendo Power was at the height of it's popularity, I was a student of Tracey Elementary School, a girl named Anna had my attentions, and I had hers (though I was too stupid to make use of them). Awkwardly, one of my better friends at the time was her brother, whom I will not name, though we had much in common, and often traded nintendo games with each other.
The prolific "Nintendo Power" we were so fond of would make no impression as a serious gaming magazine these days, but gaming, still technically in its infancy, was a bit of a different world. Authors of reviews would offer primitive descriptions of games with fancy details about levels to prove that they'd actually played them. What constituted a good game was a finer line than today when more was left to the imagination that the graphics hardware.
Still, you'd dream of a job where you'd get paid to write down your thoughts regarding a specific video game title. Getting paid to play games? Who wouldn't want that? Since you currently pay to play games, it was a trifecta of awesomeness. You didn't have a crappy job, you played games, and you got paid to play them.
Of course, whenever we did get the idea to review games, it seems we weren't quite eloquent enough to hold our own attentions, much less that of the reader.
Still, there were those of us that would try. And fail.
The videos below show a nineties era game review. Notice how in the first one, regarding Goldeneye, he states that the game is too hard, and that the game gets boring, and that he wants more cutscenes. Also note that he says he didn't play multiplayer, and that nobody buys a game for multiplayer.
Then think about how Goldeneye ushered in a new era of multiplayer games, and changed the shape of party gaming.
Now watch this:
Then watch this (which has nothing to do with goldeneye).
About halfway thru this guy's review does he say something so surprising I had to stop the video and listen for it again:
It all makes me think I should have gone and done it anyway.
Still, here's more of this crappy review company, in case you're interested in revisiting the past. (If you want to get a look at the guy whose annoying voice you've been listening to, try this link.)
19 May 2008
Two for the price of one
Before I start, I'd like to say that I may be maintaining a pace of about one a week, sometimes it's less than that. I am neither apologetic about this, nor am I remorseful.
This weekend I found time to watch a movie I'd been avoiding for a few weeks now.
I suppose if you know me, you know my attachment to horrible, or at least moderately bad movies. A couple of examples? Wing Commander. Hackers. Between those two, if my punishment in hell was to watch the same two horrid movies for the rest of eternity, this would be closer to purgatory for me.
Don't think I could last? I might surprise you. I've seen Wing Commander more than 30 times. 4 of those times in theaters. When I get home at the end of the day, it's a bit of a chore not to plop down and watch it, even knowing that they threw away all the good bits of the Wing Commander saga and raped what was left... And you already know how much I love that series.
But there is some charm to bad movies. And I don't know what it is, but I almost prefer them to good ones. The good ones are so serious. And as serious a person I may be, I do enjoy the occasional chuckle. That's why I sat down and watched "In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege tale".
Ahh.... Uwe Boll. The bringer of such impeccable masterpieces, like; House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne and most recently In the Name of the King. (There is also a Postal movie that I really look forward to viewing.)
Boll is revered in the movie and gaming communities as a destroyer of Intellectual Properties, but the truth is, I think I'm a fan of his work.
Granted, I think it's hard to find anything redeemable in House of the Dead, but even his work in Alone in the Dark showed promise. Not everyone is a Wunderkind, but Boll has touched a very specific audience in a negative way. He is constantly criticized as a director who has no respect for the games he is translating, but I really don't think he sees it that way.
His latest production "In the Name of the King" is... interesting. There are things that I want to like about the movie, and things that I can't stand. I feel that one of the improvements Boll could make is to have someone rewrite the dialogue in a more natural manner. While "In the Name of the King" appears to take place in some fantasy land reminiscent of Scotland and England, a lot of the dialogue is uneven, in some places seeming clumsy and unwarranted (to move the plot along), in other places, far too elaborate (though this is usually where you gather the best quotes).
One of the greatest improvements I could attribute to Boll is that he appears to be doing his homework. His cinematography is vastly improved over the span of his American work and the extra effort really shows. While I think his stage crew could probably do more to integrate the stage setup in to the shots Boll sets up, I get the impression that Boll does his exposition shots after he films on stage. His light work has also come along way.
Hands down, the largest detractor from his work appears to be a shared responsibility: Casting and acting.
I'm not sure what they do to cast the parts out, if there are any feelers involved, or if they simply have someone in mind for the part when they write it and go balls out to get that person (which may be the case, as Boll casts many repeat actors), but I wonder if it might help to do screen tests with the actors to ensure that they mesh well. (A perfect example is the absolute lack of chemistry between Christian Slater--Whom I have a great amount of respect for-- and Tara Reid--Who may have finally gotten her plastic surgery fixed). The chemistry mismatch is certainly apparent, even as far as child actors go (Colin Ford as Zeph made me wish the kid was dead--I know, picking on a child actor isn't fair, but this is my opinion God Dammit).
Matthew Lillard and Ray Liotta stand out from the pack here, I'm feeling generous, so here's an entire section. I think if I were an actor, I would prefer not to be typecast, but it seems opposites attract here. Liotta, who may be typecast as the hard-ass italian guy who kills people, is instead the insane wizard guy who kills people by proxy. Lillard, who usually plays a bumbling idiot with redeeming qualities, plays a bumbling, power hungry idiot, with a lack of redeeming qualities. Lillard does stand out as the only person in the cast who attempted to change their usual delivery (in his case spouting lines thru his bottom row of teeth), and in some scenes attempts what might be construed (in a court of law) as an accent change.
No other main character in this movie does so. And the accents appear all over, including the highlight (a russian chambermaid?) whose accent is so unbearably bad, you have to imagine they either asked a non-speaking extra to take a line, or that she's just a really terrible Russian actor.
The rest of the actors in the movie sort of phone in their performances, and I get the impression that a lot of the actors were reading directly off of cue cards, though there are always exceptions: I felt Jason Statham and Ron Perlman actually worked quite well together, and Terrance Kelly made significant improvements over his performance in "Bloodrayne". Brian J White was also a positive mark on this movie, taking a performance past what is written in the script.
Overall, I don't have much bad to say about this movie. While I could go on about it's flaws, you could also dissect a movie like "The Matrix" in the same manner. That's not to say that these two movies are on the same caliber, but I might even venture to say I enjoyed "In the Name of the King" more so then I enjoyed "The Matrix Reloaded". I also see promise in Boll's future. And while I understand that the animosity a lot of the community shows is from bad blood, I call for them to remember movies like "Super Mario Bros", "Double Dragon", "Street Fighter" and "Mortal Kombat Annihilation"... even "Doom", and remember that Boll was nowhere to be seen for those movies.
*Disclaimer, I enjoyed all the movies mentioned at the end with the exception of "Mortal Kombat Annihilation".
This weekend I found time to watch a movie I'd been avoiding for a few weeks now.
I suppose if you know me, you know my attachment to horrible, or at least moderately bad movies. A couple of examples? Wing Commander. Hackers. Between those two, if my punishment in hell was to watch the same two horrid movies for the rest of eternity, this would be closer to purgatory for me.
Don't think I could last? I might surprise you. I've seen Wing Commander more than 30 times. 4 of those times in theaters. When I get home at the end of the day, it's a bit of a chore not to plop down and watch it, even knowing that they threw away all the good bits of the Wing Commander saga and raped what was left... And you already know how much I love that series.
But there is some charm to bad movies. And I don't know what it is, but I almost prefer them to good ones. The good ones are so serious. And as serious a person I may be, I do enjoy the occasional chuckle. That's why I sat down and watched "In the Name of the King: a Dungeon Siege tale".
Ahh.... Uwe Boll. The bringer of such impeccable masterpieces, like; House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne and most recently In the Name of the King. (There is also a Postal movie that I really look forward to viewing.)
Boll is revered in the movie and gaming communities as a destroyer of Intellectual Properties, but the truth is, I think I'm a fan of his work.
Granted, I think it's hard to find anything redeemable in House of the Dead, but even his work in Alone in the Dark showed promise. Not everyone is a Wunderkind, but Boll has touched a very specific audience in a negative way. He is constantly criticized as a director who has no respect for the games he is translating, but I really don't think he sees it that way.
His latest production "In the Name of the King" is... interesting. There are things that I want to like about the movie, and things that I can't stand. I feel that one of the improvements Boll could make is to have someone rewrite the dialogue in a more natural manner. While "In the Name of the King" appears to take place in some fantasy land reminiscent of Scotland and England, a lot of the dialogue is uneven, in some places seeming clumsy and unwarranted (to move the plot along), in other places, far too elaborate (though this is usually where you gather the best quotes).
One of the greatest improvements I could attribute to Boll is that he appears to be doing his homework. His cinematography is vastly improved over the span of his American work and the extra effort really shows. While I think his stage crew could probably do more to integrate the stage setup in to the shots Boll sets up, I get the impression that Boll does his exposition shots after he films on stage. His light work has also come along way.
Hands down, the largest detractor from his work appears to be a shared responsibility: Casting and acting.
I'm not sure what they do to cast the parts out, if there are any feelers involved, or if they simply have someone in mind for the part when they write it and go balls out to get that person (which may be the case, as Boll casts many repeat actors), but I wonder if it might help to do screen tests with the actors to ensure that they mesh well. (A perfect example is the absolute lack of chemistry between Christian Slater--Whom I have a great amount of respect for-- and Tara Reid--Who may have finally gotten her plastic surgery fixed). The chemistry mismatch is certainly apparent, even as far as child actors go (Colin Ford as Zeph made me wish the kid was dead--I know, picking on a child actor isn't fair, but this is my opinion God Dammit).
Matthew Lillard and Ray Liotta stand out from the pack here, I'm feeling generous, so here's an entire section. I think if I were an actor, I would prefer not to be typecast, but it seems opposites attract here. Liotta, who may be typecast as the hard-ass italian guy who kills people, is instead the insane wizard guy who kills people by proxy. Lillard, who usually plays a bumbling idiot with redeeming qualities, plays a bumbling, power hungry idiot, with a lack of redeeming qualities. Lillard does stand out as the only person in the cast who attempted to change their usual delivery (in his case spouting lines thru his bottom row of teeth), and in some scenes attempts what might be construed (in a court of law) as an accent change.
No other main character in this movie does so. And the accents appear all over, including the highlight (a russian chambermaid?) whose accent is so unbearably bad, you have to imagine they either asked a non-speaking extra to take a line, or that she's just a really terrible Russian actor.
The rest of the actors in the movie sort of phone in their performances, and I get the impression that a lot of the actors were reading directly off of cue cards, though there are always exceptions: I felt Jason Statham and Ron Perlman actually worked quite well together, and Terrance Kelly made significant improvements over his performance in "Bloodrayne". Brian J White was also a positive mark on this movie, taking a performance past what is written in the script.
Overall, I don't have much bad to say about this movie. While I could go on about it's flaws, you could also dissect a movie like "The Matrix" in the same manner. That's not to say that these two movies are on the same caliber, but I might even venture to say I enjoyed "In the Name of the King" more so then I enjoyed "The Matrix Reloaded". I also see promise in Boll's future. And while I understand that the animosity a lot of the community shows is from bad blood, I call for them to remember movies like "Super Mario Bros", "Double Dragon", "Street Fighter" and "Mortal Kombat Annihilation"... even "Doom", and remember that Boll was nowhere to be seen for those movies.
*Disclaimer, I enjoyed all the movies mentioned at the end with the exception of "Mortal Kombat Annihilation".
12 May 2008
4 minutes to write this song
I find myself listening to the radio a lot more than I used to in recent years. Mostly, the local hip hop station (B96), and only because we enjoy listening to it. It seems that a lot of Hip hop music offers absolutely no content beyond what you've already heard before. Realistically speaking, we're listening to urban techno.
I say a lot about music, and they only thing I can derive from all this dissatisfaction is that I must not like music very much. I suppose that makes me a critic. But don't you ever listen to a song and think to yourself that maybe... just maybe you could have written that song for yourself?
Maybe you could have... especially when the best you could do for a chorus is "We only got 4 minutes to save the world".
Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe it's because I don't have the millions of dollars or the ambition to take a shitty idea farther than the beginning of the creative process.
I do the same shit with movie ideas... I think of an idea and I throw it out because maybe that idea is too stupid for anyone to take seriously... but then we get movies like the new Adam Sandler flick, You don't mess with the Zohan. But that's not what I'm really here to complain about. I should stick to the topic... that music sucks.
And that I'm not funny.
But there is one song that's really struck a ... I'm really sorry... struck a chord with me. I can't stop listening to it.
And it's folk music.
There has to be something extremely wrong with me at this point. I've probably listened to it 20 times today. But there's a charming quality to it. It's unassuming, and the "hook", as I've weaponized to criticize so many other songs with is delightfully unassuming. It's a slight rhythm change and a bit of a musical cliffhanger with an unresolved chord. Mrs. Gunz thinks I like it because it seems to be a song about just accepting life, and that's my mantra.
The song, while basic, maybe a bit over-produced, but that's bound to happen when it takes 9 years to put out a new album after a battle with cancer.
The people who are prone to read this blog won't know who I'm talking about. His name is John Prine, and his album Fair and Square may not be for everyone. Chances are, if you're reading this, you probably won't even like the song I'm referring to, which is called "Clay Pigeons", you'll probably make like the misses did and say, "it sounds nice".
Just the same, give it a listen, you may find yourself just as surprised as I did when I caught Prine's performance on PBS HD accidentally on a Saturday morning. But it's the least I can do for someone who found and produced a song by legendary songwriter (Blaze Foley, but I think you'll like Prine's version better), to make you listen to it.
I say a lot about music, and they only thing I can derive from all this dissatisfaction is that I must not like music very much. I suppose that makes me a critic. But don't you ever listen to a song and think to yourself that maybe... just maybe you could have written that song for yourself?
Maybe you could have... especially when the best you could do for a chorus is "We only got 4 minutes to save the world".
Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe it's because I don't have the millions of dollars or the ambition to take a shitty idea farther than the beginning of the creative process.
I do the same shit with movie ideas... I think of an idea and I throw it out because maybe that idea is too stupid for anyone to take seriously... but then we get movies like the new Adam Sandler flick, You don't mess with the Zohan. But that's not what I'm really here to complain about. I should stick to the topic... that music sucks.
And that I'm not funny.
But there is one song that's really struck a ... I'm really sorry... struck a chord with me. I can't stop listening to it.
And it's folk music.
There has to be something extremely wrong with me at this point. I've probably listened to it 20 times today. But there's a charming quality to it. It's unassuming, and the "hook", as I've weaponized to criticize so many other songs with is delightfully unassuming. It's a slight rhythm change and a bit of a musical cliffhanger with an unresolved chord. Mrs. Gunz thinks I like it because it seems to be a song about just accepting life, and that's my mantra.
The song, while basic, maybe a bit over-produced, but that's bound to happen when it takes 9 years to put out a new album after a battle with cancer.
The people who are prone to read this blog won't know who I'm talking about. His name is John Prine, and his album Fair and Square may not be for everyone. Chances are, if you're reading this, you probably won't even like the song I'm referring to, which is called "Clay Pigeons", you'll probably make like the misses did and say, "it sounds nice".
Just the same, give it a listen, you may find yourself just as surprised as I did when I caught Prine's performance on PBS HD accidentally on a Saturday morning. But it's the least I can do for someone who found and produced a song by legendary songwriter (Blaze Foley, but I think you'll like Prine's version better), to make you listen to it.
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