Opposing Indentification (Dedicated to my friend Lupe)

I've recently become aware of a phenomenon which I have termed "New York City Syndrome".

You might be aware of it. You are definitely aware of it, if you have any friends from or living in "the city", but not any city. The City. New York City.

Much like our own "United States Syndrome", or "USS" (where we have come under the belief that all countries outside of England, France and Japan are third world and desolate, impoverished and violent), New York City Syndrome, or NYCS, is the believe that all land outside of the 5 boroughs and Staten Island is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, akin to movies like "Mad Max" or "Judge Dredd".

Also, extreme followers of the show "Sex and the City" can become immersed in NYCS or Remote NYCS, these are often the most severe cases, as they have only fabricated experiences in "The City".

You can help a sufferer of NYCS by bringing them to a more rural area for a period of more than 72 hours and allow them to drive.

Suffers of remote NYCS must be brought to the city for a period of no less than 3 weeks, and made to commute 5 days a week 2 times a day, then brought back to their home town. You, too, can help an NYCS sufferer.


I've provided an example dialog to help you to identify individuals who suffer from NYCS:

(In this example, there are two individuals: Bob, who is from Minneapolis and Tim, who is from New York City, and therefore suffers from NYCS.

"Hey, is this Tim?"

"Yeah, who am I talking to?"

"Hey Tim, it's Bob!"

"Oh, Bob, how the hell ya been?"

"Good, good, say listen, I don't mean to bother you but my wife and I are going to be in Trenton, New Jersey on business. Do you want to meet for dinner at that little Mexican joint in Newark we used to go to every weekend? You know, the place with the tequila taco special?"

"Uh... sure... wait... Newark? Isn't that outside of The City?"

"Yeah, Tim, is that a problem?"

"Well, Bob, I don't really leave The City if I don't have to... it's just.. a thing, but hey, know a great Chinese place on Mott Street in Chinatown, how does that sound?"

"Fine, I guess. I'll call you when I get in, then."

"Great. So Bob, how's married life?"

"Good. Find a woman yet?"

"No, it's been a difficult find. I bet I could a find a nice girl if I moved to Minneapolis... that's right next to Chicago, right?"