Advice for the Young at Heart

It's almost time for school again and an odd dream about attending high school at 23 had me contemplating a cadre of reticent rules which are learned, much to my dismay, only after the end of your school years (including your college years).  Interestingly enough, most of the advice I can provide applies to both college and high school.

This doesn't apply to college:  Are you a Junior?  Thinking about college?  Start.

Are you a Senior?  Thinking about college?  Apply,  you dumbass.

Not going to college?  Join the military.  You need job skills.  Out of high school, you're unemployable.

I blame your parents for not letting your teachers tell you how worthless you are to the real world.

This does.  Girls.  If you're wondering why the guy you like doesn't seem to get the hint, a quick and dirty way to get his attention is to STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND.

Guys.  I know you think you're cool.  You're not.  Stop acting like a douche bag.

Girls.  Stop dressing like whores.  You're gonna get raped.

Guys.  Pull up your pants.  Pop your collars, though.  It may look weird, but it's fine by me.

Girls.  That nerdy kid that you expect is going to help you, is not going to help you unless you put out.  It's a new generation.  And the internet is full of porn.

Guys.  Sex completely changes relationships.  If you're only there because you want sex, you're going to have to handle the break up.  It is your fault.  If you really enjoy the company of that person, don't have sex.  Either way, you're gonna fuck it up.

Both of you.  The other sex doesn't know what you want, they're not magically going to get it.  Not tomorrow.  Not 50 years from now.  Just say it, you won't ever see them again after 4 years.

Lastly.  You know that friend of yours that doesn't have to do homework and doesn't have to study but magically passes every class with a B or better?  You're not them.  

Do your fucking homework.