Quantum Leap

Dr. House would say, "It is a universal truth of the human condition that everyone lies."

I say, "It is a universal truth to the human condition that anyone near a tape recorder has faked their own radio station. Especially after that Christian Slater movie."

I know I had one. I know people who had one regardless of what they would tell you... I've heard the proof.

I also know my wife had one. She still has all 8 volumes... I had the pleasure of listening to volume 1 and 2, well most of two. I'll give you a summary. Interesting side-story: I had to buy a tape player to listen, the only other tape player we have is in our old Jetta.

Tape one was more or less an introduction in to the psyche of my lovely wife and her best friend. Their show is a talk show, initially, though it grows in to so much more. At first, the callers (who are always from some "new" place, e.g. New Brighton, New York, or the fictional New Claire, even though the station is supposedly located in New York) call about their problems and as for advice. Tax advice... lifestyle advice... which is all delivered matter-of-factly.

Later, as my wife and her friend get bored with the formula, they start introducing contests for 3 day and 4 night or 3 night and 4 days, depending on when you catch them, at some resort... or a cruise. The catch? You'd have to call in and confess things like your most embarrassing moment, or things you'd gotten away with, and to this date, none were the wiser.

The funny part about this is celebrities would call in to the show and tell their darkest secrets for a shot at the cruise. Kathy Ireland (Remember her?) was a highlight. Some of the callers were from other parts of the country... or from other countries altogether, like Slavia, Sharon McKenzie, and E-beth-a-liz (her accent is terrific).

Later on, they started having celebrity guests and playing bits of music. I say bits of music... but what I really mean is snippets... like 20 seconds. The best part of this: when my wife (I say my wife, but it's really a little girl who grows up to be my wife) shuts off the song, but her best friend continues singing... because she was singing to the music.

Speaking of singing, the station's name is KWAT. The jingle goes "K-W-A-T, New York's radio station!"

A couple of highlights:
Guest Stars- My wife's sisters make cameo appearances. Steph, especially, is Dick Van Dyke. When asked to make a summary of her movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", rather than give the short summary, gives a detailed summary going on upwards around 10 minutes. Halfway thru, my-then-future-wife tries to cut her off, only succeeding in provoking Steph in to shouting her story. At this point, my wife™ and her sisters start singing the "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" theme. It's ends up an absolute hodge podge. Her Arnold Schwarzenegger is fantastic, too.

Again with the voices- Some of the accent work is funny. Some of it is hilarious.

Judge Quanaleap- I wish I was making this up. Somewhere along the way, the formula changes a bit and they host a divorce court type of show, where two people argue about their supposed "love lives" and Judge Quanaleap shouts "silence" over everyone. All of it is a waste, of course, because Judge Leap doesn't even do any deciding, it goes to a jury, who's deliberations cover everything from "Pay 1 million dollars", to "stay away from him", to "figure it out for yourselves."

A bit of seriousness- A couple of times, they stop for a "60 second news break." In the earlier tapes, the updates were about the very serious "Oklahoma City Bombing," although at one point, the suspected bomber is named "Anomonous," because "We forgot his name."

And sisters being sisters, again- When you were younger, there was nothing you wanted to do more than be with your older siblings, and do what they were doing. At one point, Erin and Stephanie start complaining about wanting to be on the radio show, so Gina, says "You're the janitor, you can't be on the show. We've been to college for this." Then, Stephanie chimes in (at 8 years old), "Hey, you're only in seventh gr-" and the tape stops. Later, you get insight into their creative processes, and how they come up with the Quanaleap show, which changes from "Love Court" to "Love Jury", while they're shouting ideas over each other, you can hear poor Steph yelling "I wanna play (such and such character)."

All and all, I know you did it. Hell, I did it, too.

I promise some audio, once I do a capture.