You're in the way. Yes, you, the woman who is talking on her cellphone while 3 kids are screaming in to your face about wanting this toy or another.
The first thing I should tell you is that you need to set your fucking kids straight. You think ignoring them is going to stop them from screaming? Try again. He looks like he's fucking 12 years old, and I think I see a mustache forming. Smack the little son of a bitch. He's setting an example for the other 2, who will think screaming and playing jungle gym on the fucking shopping cart is an acceptable public behavior.
Number 2. Get the fuck off the phone. If you are calling to confirm what kind of olives (yes, it's the black ones) that's understandable. I don't, however, think it's important to tell us the results of your appointment with your gynecologist. It would make for some great pillow talk, so spare me the fucking details.
Number 3. Don't block the middle of the god-damned aisle. I understand that we're at Target and it's busy, so have some fucking consideration for the other 3000 people who want to get down the motherfucking aisle before the end of the week. If you really have to talk to your friend, who just so happened to be at Target with the same annoying fucking shopping habits, about something that happened at Jimmy's fucking soccer practice, don't park your carts in the same 3 feet of aisle directly across from each other. Go have a fucking coffee at Starbucks and discuss your shit there. Your BMW 323i says you can afford it.
Next time, take note of these behaviors, and I won't have to follow you home and slash your tires.
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4 comments:
Look, Mr. Gunz... I am sorry. OK?
I am sorry that my brat children don't listen. I've tried everything. I've tried positive reinforcement and I've tried beating the living snot out of them. So far I prefer the second, but it still doesn't correct them. For your information I was on the phone with two different people, my psych, and my drug hook-up. (OK they are the same person... it's convoluted, and I am cheating on my husband). Either way... it was an IMPORTANT phone call.
Next time... just correct me (I like that...) and then discipline my children as you see fit. Even if that means yelling at them like a drill sergeant...
Either way - do it. Future generations of annoying brats will thank you.
Huh...interesting method of trying to get a point across...starting with your colourful language and threats of violence. Your methods are certainly contrary to the "brats" you were so irritated by..wouldn't you say??? Right
...you resemble one of those very irritants...the only difference is you're a foul mouthed adult, venting about misbehaved kids...letting your blood boil watching the whole thing unravel while shopping in a superstore on a Saturday afternoon...when everyone and their dog thinks they need to get something...you're not an island...and I certainly hope you don't have children.
And what was your point anyway?...other than expressing some sort of strange mysogynistic tendencies and financial inferiorities??
Don't waste cyber space on silly little commentaries you could expel in a sewer...
They're far from fragrant and useful
Dear Anonymous,
At this point, all I can say is that you must be one of those darling people I've come to enjoy complaining about, but perhaps you've missed the whole purpose. Hyperbole. I take a few of the irritants of the day, or sometimes, simply groups of coalescent thoughts and expand them for general consumption. I find it humorous, so do the few of my friends and family that frequent this blog. I also note that hyperbole will illicit a response from ubiquitous individuals, who may not normally voice their opinions, especially when paired with obscenities. Thanks for reading!
And don't ever use the term "cyber space" again.
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